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Question
Posted by: anon | 2012/04/19

male gyno

My husband seems to lose interest in sex before and after I visit the gynaecologist, he says its just a coincidence, but I have noticed this for a number of years, he used to want to come with me to my appointments many years ago or send me to a lady doc, but I would never change and there is no way he could come in, its private between me and the doc, I told him to get over himself, he says he has, but has a noticable drop in sex drive, every year at the same time, and it lasts for weeks on end, so I believe he still has issues, how can I help him get over his silly issues without letting him come into my appointments, I dont even think the doc would allow him in anyway, but it bothers me intensely, as he is always horny, and at this time a little appointment, and he seems to look at me totally asexual, whatever I do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Anon,

The phenomenon you are describing is actually alot more common than you may think and there is literature that talks about and describes this.

It being linked to the more primitive, yet real and powerful, aspects of mating, where the male becomes territorial and possessive over his mate and an invasion of her person, especially by another male and especially of her genitals, linked to his control over her bearing his off spring, are evoked to various degrees for heterosexual men in their relationships. This often being unconscious.

It may be of value for him to process this issue for himself with a therapist and important for you to reassure him of your loyalty and commitment to him in various ways over this time.

I would not view this as a silly issue as it clearly impacts him in a profound way.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: John | 2015/02/25

I have been married for 47 years and we have three children and not once have I let my wife see a male doctor,and when she goes to her yearly gyno visit I always phone the appointment dept and tell that we only want a female doctor and I her husband will be with her as her chaperone,my wife knows if she breaks my trust in this matter it will finish up in divorce Kind Regards John

Reply to John
Posted by: Marcel | 2012/04/23

anon, you are a terrible liar....if you take your husband with you , the doctor has no say regarding your hubby being there.....
I think you are allowing your gyne to be intamite with you and you are enjoying that tremendously...so stop allyour excuses and take your hubby with you from now. thats it .

Reply to Marcel
Posted by: reasonable | 2012/04/20

If you are comfortable with your gynae then stay with him, but take your husband with you, it is your choice of chaperone, not the doctors, you are his customer, and so what if you are a bit uncomfortable for 20 minutes, your poor husband is obviously uncomfortable for weeks, marriage is about compromise, be the bigger person, invite him along, tell him it would make you feel better, let him know you dont like it, too many woman treat it as just another appointment like the dentist, that in itself can be difficult in a mans mind, but you may see when you are more open, and no privacy exists in your life except that between you and your husband, he will automatically accept it easier, and probably will be get over it after a few appointments, its only once a year, but if there were a complication, surely then you would all of a sudden want his support, take him with, youu should get over your silly issue, and maybe he can get over his

Reply to reasonable
Posted by: XXX | 2012/04/20

This is a sensitive issue as I don''t think a wife would be too happy about their husband going to a female dr and checking his genitals out.
I have always wondered why there aren''t more female gynae''s for this exact reason.
I think for the sake of your happiness,you should find another gynae (female)

Reply to XXX
Posted by: aaa | 2012/04/20

I have two family members who''s husband go with them for gyne check ups - male gynes.
They both go with for the examination. One wife brags about it but her sister actually feels uncomfortable but is afraid to tell her husband not to.

My husband goes with for appointments with my female gyne too, but he only enters the examination room when gyne and I invites him (for pregnancy check ups).
He has no issues however.

I know changing gynes is not easy, but I think this is your only answer. I don''t think your hubby is totally in the wrong here.

Reply to aaa
Posted by: anon | 2012/04/19

The compromise for him would be for him to attend the appointments with me, he would always be able to, as he is self employed, but that just seems weird, I dont see other husbands there, and if they are, I am sure their wives are pregnant, he came with me to the same gynae for both our children,and there was never an issue because he was present, but obviously has some issues about another person touching and seeeing my genitals while he is not present, what the difference would be if he was there I dont know, but it seems that it would make him comfortable with the whole thing, but would make me, and probably the doc uncomfortable. this is his issue, not mine, I just need advise how to help him get over this issue

Reply to anon
Posted by: Jade | 2012/04/19

I''m confused, if your gynae appointments are causing such a huge issue in your marriage why don''t you change something about it? Change to a female doctor if it''s so important?

What part of any doctor''s appointment is so private that your spouse can not be present for it anyway? I''ve never tried to take my husband with me for a gynae appointment but everything else we are always there with one another, I see no reason why she would object if I wanted to take him with me though, she is just performing a routine medical exam, why would she mind if a patient wanted their spouse present?

But if for some reason you husband cant be there with you, just find a female gynae. There can''t honestly be something so brilliant and unique about your current gynae that makes him worth the marital issues it''s causing you and your husband.

I agree over all that it''s a silly issue, but from what you wrote here, he doesn''t seem to get mad, throw tantrums, snoop around, has made no ultimatums or act at all childish over it, from the sounds of it he has tried to simply deal with it but clearly he isn''t coping with it so why not be the bigger person and make a comprimise for him?

Reply to Jade
Posted by: Wow | 2012/04/19

You actually shaved your vagina - just for him - wish you were my women. i would not only ride it by lick it also.

Reply to Wow
Posted by: anon | 2012/04/19

I forgot to mention, we tried to make love the other night, I shaved my vagina like he likes and everything, he really did try, but couldnt stay erect, I got close to orgasm 3 times while on top, and each time he went soft, we couldnt finish, and its still a week to my appointment, and its the first time he wasnt tired for 3 weeks prior, exactly the same time I know he saw the confirmation of my appointment on my outlook calender, so he is not fooling me, but I need a solution, it is not

Reply to anon
Posted by: Deon | 2012/04/19

He is your husband!!!!! so what is so private between you and your doctor that he cannot hear or see?
The man is obviously wondering what the hell is going on
in the doctor`s room behind closed doors.
If i were in his situation i will react in the same way and question my wife about the privacy.,after all if the tables were turned ,what would you do?

Reply to Deon
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/04/19

Dear Anon,

The phenomenon you are describing is actually alot more common than you may think and there is literature that talks about and describes this.

It being linked to the more primitive, yet real and powerful, aspects of mating, where the male becomes territorial and possessive over his mate and an invasion of her person, especially by another male and especially of her genitals, linked to his control over her bearing his off spring, are evoked to various degrees for heterosexual men in their relationships. This often being unconscious.

It may be of value for him to process this issue for himself with a therapist and important for you to reassure him of your loyalty and commitment to him in various ways over this time.

I would not view this as a silly issue as it clearly impacts him in a profound way.

Reply to sexologist

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