Our expert says:
You have mentioned three elements of the sexual response, all which may have different interventions...libido (in the subject), arousal, and orgasm.
If you struggle with being interested in sex (i.e. desiring it), then it may be more difficult for you to become aroused. However, if you are interested, but struggle to become aroused, then it may be a matter of learning more about your sexual response (i.e. what it is that you like/don't like - you can learn this via self-pleasuring exercises and possibly even exploring your sexual fantasy). In order to do this you need to feel and safe and comfortable, so it may be that practical and/or psychological factors need to be addressed here for you to do this to maximum benefit for your learning! I would recommend that you use lubricant to assit in your self-pleasuring exercises - it feels nicer, enhancing sensation.
If you already know what pleases you, in other words, if you have already experienced orgasm via self-pleasuring, then it may be that you need to learn to teach/show your partner what to do to please you too (he/she is not likely to be able to read your mind - you will need to express this in some way). It may also be worth considering any psychological factors which prevent you from focusing on your sensations during sex, expressing your preferences and enjoying them to the point of orgasm (e.g. self-consciousness, guilt, fear of offending may all play a role in your difficulty in becoming aroused...
If none of these ring true for you, you might benefit from a session with a local sexologist to do a fuller assessment/more individualised suggestions. You can locate a local professional via the SASHA helpline or contact your GP.
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