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Question
Posted by: Anne | 2011/11/29

Low Income Boyfriend

I dont know what to say or how to start this but it is very challenging to date a man who earns far less than me. I cannot take it anymore the insecurities on him kills me i dont want him in my life anymore I cannot take it I love him but i cannot do it anymore I am emmotionally tired with this challenge. I want to quit but i love him i want to tell him that it is too much for me but i love him i cannot do it

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It can be challenging, also, to date someone who earns significantly more than you do, though more people are keen to try that challenge.
Part of the problem can be the embarrassment you feel and the difficulty in addressing it frankly and calmly between you. Haven't you tried couples counselling together, to see what might be resolvable ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mofl | 2011/12/01

I think this woman just posted here to brag that she earns more than her man. and I don''t even understand why we are entertaining this nonsense...bloody wh*re

Reply to mofl
Posted by: IX | 2011/12/01

you are materalistic and remember the wheels of fortune turns and you could end up in his situation.

Reply to IX
Posted by: Just a suggestion | 2011/12/01

When dating a Zulu these points should have been obvious. It is strange that it took 14 months to discover you earning more than him is a problem .As you love him so much would it not be possible to submit to his culture and transfer all your assets to his name and give up your job?When you are married with children you can live in one property, as a traditional zulu family, and rent out the other to subsidise his low salary.
Your elders can certainly advise you as suggested, true love will triumph if you put in the effort.

Reply to Just a suggestion
Posted by: K | 2011/12/01

why do you seek answers from liberated free-thinking westerners on an online forum (i.e. using modern technology) when you and your boyfriend seem stuck with African traditional thinking?? Ask your grandparents or other elders what to do.

also beats me why you got together in the first place.

Reply to K
Posted by: Haha | 2011/11/30

Anne, I do think it is demoralizing for a man to earn less than his woman, but for a Zulu man who is raised with certain morals and expectations it is harder. I do think you are making the right choice. While it is noble of him not to want your money, that may turn into resentment. And if you are going to bad places because that''s what he wants/ can afford, then that''s not right. You can''t keep sacrificing for him, and he can''t expect you to keep holding back for him. He can''t see love has no price and as sad as that is, you also need to live.

Reply to Haha
Posted by: Anne | 2011/11/30

I love him I really do and i am prepared to spend the rest of my life with him. He believes as a Zulu man he is suppose to look after me not the other way round as a Zulu man he is not suppose to be in a woman''s car I asked him to try get a drivers license he said he is not ready cause he does not have a car. I bought him a gift for his birthday he did not want it claiming it is too expensive and he does not deserve it. I wanted us to go have supper at some resturant near my place he sais i should go he cant go as the place is too expensive. I all the time go to his places even if i dont feel comfortable just to accomodate him

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Haha | 2011/11/30

Did you guys not even read her post???!!! She is not bitching about the fact that he isn’ t earning money- HE is the one making it an issue! If it was an issue for her, do you think she would have stuck around for 14 months? How can she be materialistic when she isn’ t concerned about it? READ PROPERLY!!!!!!!!!! He is making it an issue that is affecting their relationship, NOT her.

Reply to Haha
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2011/11/30

You are materialistic, leave the guy in peace and go looking for your loaded type. Report back to this forum in one months time and tell us how is it going with your rich guy

Reply to Motlalentwa
Posted by: Charles | 2011/11/30

What sort of jobs can he do?

Reply to Charles
Posted by: Anne | 2011/11/30

Jkl i am unfortunately not educated but i have the skill that is required by my IT companies. Haha thank you very much and for more info i earn R23 000 and he earns R4000 and it is not about money per say i think the brother feels insecure and at times the challenges are just too much for both of us. We have been together for 14 months i have a lot that he does not have. I have two properties and a car and he does not have either one of those and he feels very insecure. It does affect our relationship and i end up being the one who most of the time secrifice a lot for the sake of his happiness

Reply to Anne
Posted by: jkl | 2011/11/30

Ha ha I do have a point. Another question I have is did she not know this before she dated him?. I just hate shallow and materialistic people.
Why is this an issue now? She must just stop bitc*ng and dump him and move on to the next one.

Observer, sure lol!

Reply to jkl
Posted by: Haha | 2011/11/29

Ok, I am using a phone for internet and not a qwerty phone (old fashioned phone) so the mno letters are on one number. Mine was an honest mistake, I missed out a letter- I didn''t completely misspell the whole word.

And I don''t agree that Jkl was asking a valid question, Jkl post is one of those that are just trying to be nasty. Firstly Anne''s posting a question here has nothing to do with her work so it shouldn''t reflect the quality of her work. Secondly, she doesn''t indicate the income brackets that she and her boyfriend are in- for all you guys know she earns R6000 as a shop assistant and her boyfriend R3000 as a petrol pump attendant. Jkl''s comment was a personal attack on Anne.

Reply to Haha
Posted by: Observer | 2011/11/29

Haha
The correct spelling is punctuation!

Perhaps you should check you are correct before you post in such a high and mighty fashion?

I think Jkl asked a valid question and was trying to open a debate - questioning that because of girls poor writing skills their income gap with her BF is probably not that vast.

l, however , believe that she may be a gold digger who is looking for a highly educated man. This unfortunately will rule you out!

But do not become despondent there is a lid for every pot.

Reply to Observer
Posted by: Haha | 2011/11/29

Jkl, perhaps it you should check your spelling before bashing other people. What the hell are ''pancuations''? Do you mean punctuatin marks???

Reply to Haha
Posted by: ANGRY MAN | 2011/11/29

iF U TRULY LOVED HIM HIS INCOME WOULD NOT BOTHER YOU!

As long as he lives within his means and treats you with respect and love what does it matter.

Reply to ANGRY MAN
Posted by: jkl | 2011/11/29

Eish I wonder how you manage to earn a lot seeing that you can''t even use pancuations. He''s probably the one who should leave quickly!!!

Reply to jkl
Posted by: Charles | 2011/11/29

Is it not possible for him to find a better paying job?

Reply to Charles
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/29

It can be challenging, also, to date someone who earns significantly more than you do, though more people are keen to try that challenge.
Part of the problem can be the embarrassment you feel and the difficulty in addressing it frankly and calmly between you. Haven't you tried couples counselling together, to see what might be resolvable ?

Reply to cybershrink

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