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Question
Posted by: anon | 2010/08/11

low drive

Hello, im 23 year old female. My partner has quite a high drive and i used to as well. But lately im just never in the mood. down to once a week. I do worry about my partners needs to. anything you can help with?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi Anon

The average frequency for sexual activity in a long term relationship is 1ce or 2ce a week, so you are pretty 'normal' as a couple.

It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.

In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes (in your lives) that mean that your libido may take an even bigger knock. It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - this includes asking for feedback about how he feels/anything he'd like to improve, and likewise, you give him feedback and discuss what you would like to improve.

When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. In other words he may need to know that his libido may be higher - and this is normal - as is it normal that yours may be lower. Therefore there may be a tension which needs to be addressed.

As long as there is flexibility, you may find that at times sex is more frequent, but there will also be times when it is less.

Low desire may however be caused by medical illness and some medications. It seems unlikely that this may apply to you as you are young, but if you are concerned you should consult your medical practitioner.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/09/21

Hi I'm also 23yrs, ever since I started being sexually active at an age of 19 I have never had orgasm, 2me sex is just the same thing from the start to an end. Now I'm facing another problem which leads me to low sex drive, my virgina is very dry, even before sexual intercourse I'd feel that I'm horny but nothing will come out of my virgina its either nothing will come out or there will be a very watery fluid like urine. I am using triphasil could this be a side effect

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Vanessa | 2014/02/14

Hi I`m 39years old a divorce woman i struggle with a low sex drive and that has come between me and my husband.I`m in a relationship know and i`m scared of this low sex drive of mine and when me and my partner have sex i feel nothing and i want to satisfy him cause sex in the thing that keeps a relationship alive.I don`t even come when he ask me i lied and say yes i did come.please i really need help

Reply to Vanessa
Posted by: anon | 2010/08/13

Thank you for that!

Reply to anon
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/08/12

Hi Anon

The average frequency for sexual activity in a long term relationship is 1ce or 2ce a week, so you are pretty 'normal' as a couple.

It is quite common that in the beginning of relationship women may have a greater interest in sex and possibly be less inhibited in sex than her 'default' position would be. This is due to chemicals in the brain which are released in the beginning of a relationship - amongst other things they result in slightly higher testosterone levels in women which may account for higher sex drive. Unfortunately due to a cruel trick of nature these changes are temporary and after a while (between 6months - 4 years) she returns to a more 'normal level'.

In addition to these changes (which are nobody's fault), there may be other changes (in your lives) that mean that your libido may take an even bigger knock. It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the relationship - this includes asking for feedback about how he feels/anything he'd like to improve, and likewise, you give him feedback and discuss what you would like to improve.

When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. In other words he may need to know that his libido may be higher - and this is normal - as is it normal that yours may be lower. Therefore there may be a tension which needs to be addressed.

As long as there is flexibility, you may find that at times sex is more frequent, but there will also be times when it is less.

Low desire may however be caused by medical illness and some medications. It seems unlikely that this may apply to you as you are young, but if you are concerned you should consult your medical practitioner.

Reply to Sexologist

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