advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/04

Loving a priest (Post 703)

Just an update - hope you''''ll read it. So it was 2 days ago that my priest confessed his love to me. I am not Catholic myself by-the-way, I didn''''t meet him at church, we met through people.

Anyway, yesterday I told him that I cannot have a love affair with him. Firstly because I am an emotional person –  I cannot allow myself to love someone who is guaranteed to break my heart one of these days. Secondly because I don’  t want to interfere with his calling –  especially since I don’  t even understand the celibacy calling. I don’  t want to interfere with something I don’  t even understand. At the time he understood and agreed with me. But later he sent me heart-broken messages. It seems to him that it is against nature that 2 people who love each other should not be allowed to be together, etc. But my decision stands –  I am not getting myself into this situation. But I have said that we can still be friends and I mean this. We can love each other non-romantically. Now my question is –  am I kidding myself, can we be platonic friends? Do I need to cut all ties with him? I have read on a Website by Fr Joe –  he says once the priest falls in love all communication with the woman must stop. But I am not sure how to “  break up”  with someone and be cold to him when he has done nothing wrong –  when we have not had a fight, to say.
I must just make it clear that my reason for not pursuing the relationship is not religious on my part because I am not Catholic –  I respect his religious decision but I have no religious scruples about it myself. This seems very complicated to me and the first time I am experiencing something like this –  I must admit I am overwhelmed by the whole scenario.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You seem to have continued to be really sensible. Curious that he sees as "against nature" what is actually against his church's teachings. I wonder whether he is perhaps having a larger crisis of faith, which he should deal with with spiritual counsellors, rather than focussing just on his professed feelings of love for you ?
he has much more he needs to sort out on his side, about his chosen calling, faith, and other issues, that are not actually about you, and should not be made to involve you.
He's trying to have his cake and eat it too, and should consult with the Great Baker, and not the cake.
He must be urged to discuss what is undoubtedly a crisis in his faith and vocation ( whether or not he chooses to recognize that ) with the appropriate people, rather than projecting all fo this onto you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/04

He has made it very clear that he will never leave the priesthood, and I would never ask him to. I have asked him why doesn’ t he just get one-night stands then and not pursue real love, in that way he can get his itch scratched without hurting anyone else. He says he does not want meaningless sex, he also needs love, and he is human. I say to him he can’ t have both –  his vocation and real love. Then the conversation hits a dead end.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Mary | 2012/05/04

After reading your story I find it very strange that a celebate prient would pursue a relationship. Yes, priests are human and have all the desires we have, but they never pursue it I question if he is still loyal in his calling.

If I were you I would ask him to do some introspection and decide whehter he wants to be a priest, because he cant be a priest and have sexual relations. He cant have both.

All the best and good luck

Reply to Mary
Posted by: XXX | 2012/05/04

You are absolutely correct with your thoughts and views,you do not want to interfere with his " calling" .I am very surprised that he is even trying to have a love affair with you.I have to wonder how strong can his " calling"  in fact be.
If he is prepared to deceive God like this,what is he capable of with you !

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/04

You seem to have continued to be really sensible. Curious that he sees as "against nature" what is actually against his church's teachings. I wonder whether he is perhaps having a larger crisis of faith, which he should deal with with spiritual counsellors, rather than focussing just on his professed feelings of love for you ?
he has much more he needs to sort out on his side, about his chosen calling, faith, and other issues, that are not actually about you, and should not be made to involve you.
He's trying to have his cake and eat it too, and should consult with the Great Baker, and not the cake.
He must be urged to discuss what is undoubtedly a crisis in his faith and vocation ( whether or not he chooses to recognize that ) with the appropriate people, rather than projecting all fo this onto you

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement