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Question
Posted by: noni | 2010/06/14

lovey dovey

I''m in a relationship with a guy whom I can say, even after 12 months I still cant understand his personality. He is so vocal when talking about general matters, but intimately or otherwise he is not ''expressive''. He only expresses sweet and loving words and declares his undying love through SMS''s, and so quite during intimate moment. I therefore don''t understand whether He is shy/ reserved/ not romantic or what? I know that men can be romantic but in a different way than women. But I also need to ''hear ''and not always ''read'' those loving words! I feel like saying to Him, ''Losen up!''.

What could be the reason, from your understanding of men?

I feel I need to raise this matter with him but I need your advise on the appropriate approach and moment to do that, without offending him or trying to change him to what he is not (which I don''t understand).

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe its the widespread delusion that other people ought to be exactly like us, that seems to lead so many women to be puzzled on discovering the well-known and well-established fact that men generally are less fond of and less able to, express and talk abopt their emotions, compared to women.
Enjoy the ways men are different from women, rather than deciding to be bothered by their differences. So he has a diferent way of being romantic than you do - does that have to be a problem ? Women who insist on drafting the romantic script with the words they declare they "need" to hear, are likely to be disappointed. Why not rather enjoy the genuine words and other ways of expressing love he actually uses ?
By all means talk, in a non-prescriptive way, about what you enjoy and like, so he can take this into acount. Oddly, perhaps, men seem to be becoming better at respecting and accepting women's ways of doing such things without expecting them to do it all in a man's way.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: aaa | 2010/06/14

Sounds like he is intimidated by you for some reason

Reply to aaa
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/14

Maybe its the widespread delusion that other people ought to be exactly like us, that seems to lead so many women to be puzzled on discovering the well-known and well-established fact that men generally are less fond of and less able to, express and talk abopt their emotions, compared to women.
Enjoy the ways men are different from women, rather than deciding to be bothered by their differences. So he has a diferent way of being romantic than you do - does that have to be a problem ? Women who insist on drafting the romantic script with the words they declare they "need" to hear, are likely to be disappointed. Why not rather enjoy the genuine words and other ways of expressing love he actually uses ?
By all means talk, in a non-prescriptive way, about what you enjoy and like, so he can take this into acount. Oddly, perhaps, men seem to be becoming better at respecting and accepting women's ways of doing such things without expecting them to do it all in a man's way.

Reply to cybershrink

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