advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/05

Love oneself

How does one learn to love oneself? I am one who changes and adapts around people to gain external affirmation. I know where it comes from (past trauma and emotionaly neglectful parenting) but I guess knowledge is not everything. I was told in therapy that I blame myself and tend to take responsibility for other people''s feelings. How do I stop that? I have a husband who loves me but I struggle to love back. I have 2 beautiful children who I struggle to show affection to if only because at times I feel like I am going to be sucked dry/suffocated. It''s a vicious circle - the more I struggle to show affection, the more I blame myself, the less affection I show. Do I just go through the motions of trying to be affectionate and hope one day something sticks?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe start more gently by learning to LIKE oneself ? And in counselling / therapy, part of the task will often be to reduce one's felt need for external affirmation. Knowledge in an entirely intellectual sense often fails to solve the problem ( tellling me why the car's engine is making that awful noise is useless in enabling me to fix the problem - I don't even know how to open the bonnet / hood ).
Work on taking responsibility for your OWN feelings, and let others take care of theirs.
And dont't entirely knock "going through the motions" - there's evidence to show that when one starts by behaving in a way that resembles how you want to fel, your feelings and attitudes tend to move towards the state you are initially simulating.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/05

Maybe start more gently by learning to LIKE oneself ? And in counselling / therapy, part of the task will often be to reduce one's felt need for external affirmation. Knowledge in an entirely intellectual sense often fails to solve the problem ( tellling me why the car's engine is making that awful noise is useless in enabling me to fix the problem - I don't even know how to open the bonnet / hood ).
Work on taking responsibility for your OWN feelings, and let others take care of theirs.
And dont't entirely knock "going through the motions" - there's evidence to show that when one starts by behaving in a way that resembles how you want to fel, your feelings and attitudes tend to move towards the state you are initially simulating.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement