Posted by: Jason | 2009-10-06

Love, death, wants


I' m a guy in my late 20' s and I really want a stable healthy relationship but I cant see myself having one without getting into endless trouble.

There is no " spark"  for anyone and I have never been in love but I have had mild obsessions over some girls.It never lasts more than 2 days so its really difficult to handle the complexities of a relationship. When I find someone that is interested in me I get really bored and irritated at the same time due to the required compromise. Good sex does not make up for the frustration so the relationship cant even be based on that.

I can make any relationship work and seem to be really good at it. My problem is that even though I can do this when necessary it still makes me unhappy deep down. Within hours of getting someone interested in me I start getting thoughts about how to get the person out of my life due to the extreme boredom even though I do not associate with dull people. Some people only get clingy after you tell them to go so I find myself thinking of and sometimes even planning more permanent solutions. Obviously this can complicate my life more than necessary if I make a mistake somewhere.

Most of my friends have girls and are starting to settle down/get married/move in together. I intend to have the same so do you perhaps have any tips on how to deal with my situation? I somehow need to tolerate someone close and not get bored/annoyed but I am not sure how.

Thank you taking the time to read this.

Have a wonderful day!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Jason,
As of today, this is how you feel, based on your experiences so far. You actually have no reason to assume that this is how things will always be. Sparks don't come on demand. And maybe you have some maturing to do before you are capable of the sort of relationship you are looking for right now. There's plenty of time. Some personal therapy or counselling could help you to clarify your thinking and decide more usefully what you need and want, when, and how to get there from here. You don't have to follow your friends' timetable. Some of them will date early, bond early, marry early --- and divorce early. There's no urgency to settling down yet, and not much urgency ever --- people should work to their own inner timetables, not to the expectations of others.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jason | 2009-10-07

Thanks for all the advice! It makes sense. Much appreciated!

No interference from anyone Red.

Reply to Jason
Posted by: Red | 2009-10-06

Shame... Poor girls that have to put up with you. I really hope you find what you are truly looking for one day. Above all you seem like a nice guy. Does your family interefere with your love-life perhaps???

Reply to Red
Posted by: Rick | 2009-10-06

Dude, You are in your late 20' s, enjoy them, dont worry about your mates settling down, and you havent yet. You are still very young to be settling down, live your life to its maximum on your own and when you are ready, you will know when its time. I thinks that is why you cant settle down and you feel bored with women. Sex is one thing, relationships and making love is different.

I learnt that the hard way, you just need to see my postings in the divorce forum.

I was 29 when I got married, divorced at 36, last year December. Was not ready to get married and on top of that I married some young chick who didnt know her from her elbow.

Ive now met a mature woman, with kids, 7 years older than me, and life is bliss.

So dont rush anything and make the same mistake as me, chill out, enjoy being single and when you ' feel'  ready the right woman for you will come along.

Be a gentleman, be natural , be yourself, have manners and treat them with respect, and you will attract the right woman for you.


Reply to Rick

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