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Question
Posted by: melissa v | 2012/08/22

love and money

my bf of 4 months is unemployed(but looking for a job). He is understandably always broke so we hardly see eachother since we stay 2 and half hours apart.he hardly calls and we communicate via sms(which i mostly initiate) or we can go two whole weeks without talking.last weekend i went to visit him for the day and had to give him R300 for petrol so he could take me home(i don''t have a car)...although he was happy to me and i him,i can''t always do this.i called him this morning just to hear how he is doing and he took the opportunity to ask for airtime...needless to say,it popped my happy balloon. I would gladly help out if i knew for sure that he loves me!he tells me occassionaly but at times i don''t believe him and feel he''s trying to use me. Am i being selfish?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sensible response from Anon. Only you can estimate, knowing the many details, whether he is genuinely short of cash but trying really hard to get a job and offering to eventually repay you, or whether perhaps he is using and exploiting you. Its not selfish to ask and seek to answer these questions

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012/08/23

I think 4 months (especially if you can go weeks without talking) is a bit of a short time for him to expect from you to always foot the bill and also help him out financially but it might just be me and the distance between you complicates things a bit. You will need to decide for yourself where you want draw the line, some things I would consider: Can you afford it or is it putting you in a tight spot? Do you feel that it is money well spent? How long has he been unemployed and do you think he is geniunely struggling to find work or just being to picky?

It''s understandable that someone without a job doesn''t have money to spend on dating, but if he can respond to your smses he can also be the one to send you one first? Aren''t there cheaper ways to chat that via sms? Before all the blackberry hype I think people used an application called whatsapp or something that was supposed to be alot cheaper than smses. Landline calls are also alot cheaper.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/23

Sensible response from Anon. Only you can estimate, knowing the many details, whether he is genuinely short of cash but trying really hard to get a job and offering to eventually repay you, or whether perhaps he is using and exploiting you. Its not selfish to ask and seek to answer these questions

Reply to cybershrink

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