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Question
Posted by: Zwane | 2013-02-22

Love &  expression

I want to know: is loving someone a choice or is the way you express your love for someone a choice?

What i mean is: if you are in love with someone, do you choose an acceptable way to express it or do you set an emotional boundary to prevent yourself from loving the person.

For example, if you have care for a boy but he is lets say married but you like his company and want to be good friends. if you both agree that you care for each other and are clear that there is only friendship is that ok or is it dangerous?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A complicated question. We may have relaively little control over our primary emotions ( love or like, dislike, etc ( but we DO have the ability and responsibility to control our actions in how we react to those feelings.
Now, if you care about someone who is married, you KNOW beyond any possible doubt that if he is happy to see you, he is cheating on his wife and will be just as ready, in time, to cheat on you. He cannot possibly be the only person on earth whose company you can enjoy. And its really foolish to fool yourselves into thinking that you can just be good friends, without this turning into something closer. It won't remain "only friendship". Of course its risky. If your "friendship" was to be so inncent, of course you'd both be happy about telling his wife all about it, and inviting her along ? IF not, this proves that you KNOW there would be something wrong with it.
What you're thinking of WILL end badly and sadly all round. Rather leave him alone and find soneone who has not promised himself to someone else, and who cares ONLY about you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-22

I think that the love part is not optional, you don''t really get to choose whether or not you are fond of someone or how much you care about them. Whether we choose to act on those feelings are within our control though.

The whole ''staying friends with a married guy who I''m actually in love with'' usually only ends badly. Why put yourself through such torture when you can be out there spending you time on someone who will actually appreciate it fully.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Kelly | 2013-02-22

Too many questions and you just making things complicated for yourself. Stay away from married men finish and kla.
You care for him you dont, none of that matters, he is married and not single. When he divorces his wife then you can have the caring friendship you yearn for right now.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Just Me | 2013-02-22

I believe, love is a choice and how you express that love is also a choice depending on the circumstance and the message you want to relay.

Often when boundaries are set is when the possibility of relationship with the person is not acceptable i.e single woman vs married man or visa versa, but in some cases people do choose to ignore any boundaries

lastly, it can be dangerous being in the company of a married person whilst single (friendship or not), it also depends on how much time spend in each other''s company, often that kind of friendship ends in someone cheating.

My 2cents worth

Reply to Just Me

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