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Question
Posted by: Lebo | 2010/01/12

Lost respect for friend

hi Doc

My friend has decided to stay with her husband who keeps cheating on her. Her reasons are that she does not work and she has two kids and she is afraid of starting over.

I am trying the best to understand and be there for her but its difficult. I realise that this is not my life and she has to do what she has to do but I have lost respect of her.

I see single women out there everyday taking charge of their lives raising their kids and basically refusing to be victims and here she is being exaclty that and I am disgusted. The more I spend time with her the more I realise how different we are.
She comes from a rich family and she moved from being taken care by her dad to being taken care by her husband. I come from a poor family and had to work hard to get my degrees and get a good job and be financially independent.

I feel so sorry for her and am helping her with her cv and we will see what comes up.

Is women' s empowerment all a farce?Its 2010 for Godsake!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I understand your sense of frustration. And it is sad and alarming how many women who really do have genuine alternatives, still choose to go back to abusers and/or cheaters.
But it is also important to recognize that many women either genuinely do have no choice, for financial reasons being unable to afford to be anywhere else, especially if they have children to care for - or they BELIEVE they have no alternatives, even when others can see that they do indeed have more choices than they recognize.
Empowerment requires thast you recognize yourself as empowered - in a way, nobody else can give it to you - you have to take it for yourself.
You are also wise to recognize the paradoxical point you raise - that there are many obvious disadvantages to growing up poor, but one may learn to be self-sufficient and confident, while a kid raised in a rich family may grow to feel peculiarly disempowered, not believing that they have any real power or abilities themselves, and to feel dependent on others to provide for them.
Rather than providing slogans, maybe we need to find a wider range of ways to help people ( not only women ) to recognize their own abilities and independence, and not to feel helpless without the assistance of others, and to provide support and encouragement to those who are afflicted in this way

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2010/01/12

I don' t agree with the last comment... do bear in mind that abuse has a very big part in our emotional well being.

Reply to Really
Posted by: bust | 2010/01/12

the only person that makes themselves a victim, is themselves.

Reply to bust
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/12

I understand your sense of frustration. And it is sad and alarming how many women who really do have genuine alternatives, still choose to go back to abusers and/or cheaters.
But it is also important to recognize that many women either genuinely do have no choice, for financial reasons being unable to afford to be anywhere else, especially if they have children to care for - or they BELIEVE they have no alternatives, even when others can see that they do indeed have more choices than they recognize.
Empowerment requires thast you recognize yourself as empowered - in a way, nobody else can give it to you - you have to take it for yourself.
You are also wise to recognize the paradoxical point you raise - that there are many obvious disadvantages to growing up poor, but one may learn to be self-sufficient and confident, while a kid raised in a rich family may grow to feel peculiarly disempowered, not believing that they have any real power or abilities themselves, and to feel dependent on others to provide for them.
Rather than providing slogans, maybe we need to find a wider range of ways to help people ( not only women ) to recognize their own abilities and independence, and not to feel helpless without the assistance of others, and to provide support and encouragement to those who are afflicted in this way

Reply to cybershrink

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