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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2010/07/07

Lost - Ex Death Haunting Me

Hi CS,
I am still struggling to accept that the ex is gone, like I said we had spoken two days prior to his death, it seems he was killed, he died of unnatural causes, chest injuries. I haven''t been able to find out anymore than that. He had called me from a different number and I called him back on it, it however doesn''t show on my account, I then called on his number, this shows, very odd.
His sister arranged a very nice memorial service, only his close friends. It wasn''t the traditional sad, depressed service, his sister made it upbeat and jovial because his birthday was the next day. We have been in contact ever since and she has now met my little boy and he has spent time with them and been spoilt rotten, so something good has come from it.

I however am still feeling this heavy guilt and loss which I cannot explain, it is as if I should have done something, or should be doing something. I have met someone as well, but don''t really want to get involved with anyone or anything. I am not one for this dating game thing. I like being on my own with my kids and maybe I am just afraid of what I will get myself into.....

Well any help welcome, take care CS.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello BT,
Sounds like his sister is handling things well, and it's good for her to get to know your boy. The cause of eath sounds a bit odd, though I suppose if one gets into drug adiction, one gets to deal with some odd and sometimes sinister characters.
Death of anyone you've been fond of is rareluy easy to get over, especially so when the relationship has been ambivalent and stormy, and especially when it is unexpected and sudden, as in this case. And conscientious people may feel guilty even when you had absolutely no guilty role in the death. Sometimes, its related to times when he was especially difficult and abusive when you might, very understandably, have wished he would just die and set you free.
On the one hand its good to get pleasantly involved in other friendships, but you're right this is probably early to get into any serious relationship.
Take care, too !

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/07

Hello BT,
Sounds like his sister is handling things well, and it's good for her to get to know your boy. The cause of eath sounds a bit odd, though I suppose if one gets into drug adiction, one gets to deal with some odd and sometimes sinister characters.
Death of anyone you've been fond of is rareluy easy to get over, especially so when the relationship has been ambivalent and stormy, and especially when it is unexpected and sudden, as in this case. And conscientious people may feel guilty even when you had absolutely no guilty role in the death. Sometimes, its related to times when he was especially difficult and abusive when you might, very understandably, have wished he would just die and set you free.
On the one hand its good to get pleasantly involved in other friendships, but you're right this is probably early to get into any serious relationship.
Take care, too !

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