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Question
Posted by: Andre | 2010/06/17

Lost best friend

Hi Doc

I''m really having difficulty in letting go of a friendship of almost 7 years with my best friend. I''m suffering from severe depression and bipolar disorder, but cannot tolerate any medication except Trepeline. Needless to say, I have mood some swings, but I''ve never been rude to my friend.

Last year december after I had an depressive episode again, I never heard from my friend again. The last time I''ve seen him was at a braai. I''ve e-mailed him, called, smsed but nothing. When I tried to talk to him over the phone, he was extremely rude. He never replied to any of my emails or any other attempt to contact him. I told him about 3 years ago that I''m gay, and he didn''t seem to have a problem with it. I''m not interested in him in any other way except being friends. We went through a lot together.

I am going through terrible emotions about this. From depression to anger and vice versa. I just feel that I haven''t been given any explanation as to why he doesn''t want to be friends anymore and this is what really gets to me. I can''t seem to shake this off as I don''t have many friends and to lose friends is not something that happened to me before. He is married with a kid and I don''t know if his wife might have something to do with it. (she very cleary disapproved of my coming out and says its an abomination. They are very fundemental Christians). I ran into him at a nearby shopping mall and I was very glad to see him. However, he was having coffee with a friend and pretended not to see me (although I know he did).

I just feel so sad to lose my best friend like this. How does one move on and not feel bitter and angry?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It does indeed sound odd and rude of him - you may have somehow offended him withotu realising it, but the fact that you weren't realising it, in itself, should have been obvious to him having known you for so long. And so he ought to have explained what upset him. It's not reasonable for him to suddenly cut you off about your being fgay, 3 years after you told him.
All you can do is, having made many overtures and given him many opportunities to reveal his cause for upset, is to leave it be, and move on. Are there any mutual friends who you could ask to ask him what went wrong ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/17

It does indeed sound odd and rude of him - you may have somehow offended him withotu realising it, but the fact that you weren't realising it, in itself, should have been obvious to him having known you for so long. And so he ought to have explained what upset him. It's not reasonable for him to suddenly cut you off about your being fgay, 3 years after you told him.
All you can do is, having made many overtures and given him many opportunities to reveal his cause for upset, is to leave it be, and move on. Are there any mutual friends who you could ask to ask him what went wrong ?

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