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Question
Posted by: MOE | 2011-12-12

LOST AND CONFUSED

I have been involved in a 9 year relationship and have 2 beautifull daughters but their father was never involved as he was to busy working and building up his financial status. Myself and the girls were therefore never short of finances but no real love. We seperated and it took me 2years on my own with them doing everything together to get a new partner who was also at the time living on his own for 2years as his wife moved away with her new lover. In the beginning it was a huge chanllenge to get use to each others space etc but we maganged somehow. Now the girls are bigger and NOW the monster of how to bring them up and what rules to apply are sticking its ugly head out. In such a way that he has moved out temporarily and we still speak and still say we love each other but things are just not right for me. Been to pshycologist with both girls they say nothing wrong. I am modest and he is very oldschooled. Has 2 of his own kids he now sees and I tell him he must realise he will still see what and why I do allow things he does not. What am I to do as currently I am happy and sad at both times with the current arrangements.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What is most importan for the benefit of the girls, is that the mom and dad in their home AGREE and apply a consistent set of rules and con sequences for breaking rules. Inconsistency is very bothersome for them. It probably would matter much less that you think whether they were brought up in his way or yours, so long as it was consistent. Do try to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, to sort this out, for everyone's benefit

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011-12-12

Your first responsibility is towards your daughters. If you and your partner cannot agree on how the the girls should be brought up and it causes constant friction between you then I don''t see how you will sustain the relationship. Have you and he gone to see a psychologist or marriage counsellor together to try and work through this? By the sounds of it you have very different parenting styles. Listen to what he is saying with an open mind, and see if you can find anything of value? At the same time he must respect the way you choose to raise your children. I really think counselling is the way to go.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Confused | 2011-12-12

I dont understand what you trying to say.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-12-12

What is most importan for the benefit of the girls, is that the mom and dad in their home AGREE and apply a consistent set of rules and con sequences for breaking rules. Inconsistency is very bothersome for them. It probably would matter much less that you think whether they were brought up in his way or yours, so long as it was consistent. Do try to persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, to sort this out, for everyone's benefit

Reply to cybershrink

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