Posted by: sideways | 2009-07-24

loss of passion

Hi Cs

My problem is the following:
Since moving into a new place with my gf which brought with it her two cats and added finacial burden I have lost my passion for her. I own a place but we couldn' t move in there as the complex doesn' t allow pets, so we had to rent somewhere else and although the place is lovely, it burns me to be paying rent when I won a place and for two cats!! I am not a fan of cats anyway as I am allergic to them, so now I also have that to deal with and the one cat is very needy, he is in my face all the time. I can t sit in my lounge without him wanting to jump on me and he is persistent, he won t go away once rejected, he simpy perseveres on. I see that they are cute, and I love animals, but I have a real problem with this situation and I don t feel relaxed at home. I am currently resentful towards my gf and I have lost sexual desire for her. I am always tense at home and all because I can t get over having to pay rent and live with two cats. I see how pathetic it is, and I love my gf and don t want to hurt her or stress her but I am. I just don t know how to make my peace with the situation. any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Cats are very important to peopel who love them, but i sounds unreasonable to have expected you to move out of a home you already owned, and rent elsewhere, just to accomodate the cats, and then to find you are allergic to them anyway.
Cats also seem, like some dogs, to have an uncanny ability to recognize someone who feels uneasy with cats, and to head straight for them. And they are indeed persistent. VERY persistent. Your concern is not pathetic and very understandable. Especially to people who aren't dotty about cats. ( Ssshh, my cat mustn't hear this ). Couples counselling, perhaps ? If you really want this particular relationship to continue. Otherwise, juscalmly and tactfull discuss this with her, and explain that you don't see this working out, an think it would be wise to end the relationship, let you move back to your own home, and let her find somewhere where she and her cats can be happier. For her it's probably a package deal, and she will consider herself and the cats as automatically going together

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