advertisement
Question
Posted by: concerned wife | 2010/04/08

losing that special bond

Hi, not sure if anyone can give me a possible solutiion to my challenge. Been married to a wonderful man for nearly 30 years, he si the most dependable man on this plant, BUT does not communicate well in any field. As we are getting on in age I tend to crave this communication more and more and crave lovemaking more and more, yet he has high bp and is on all sorts of meds. When it does happen it is rather quick. I don''t want to burst his bubble and tell him that I am not fullfilled. I could not tell him that I need more. So ashamed of it as I am I satisfy myself yet long to be in his arms and have hours of sensual lovemaking. I am mortified to confess that there is another man, who finds me irresistable and we talk about lovemaking and what we would do to each other, just the mere thought that another man wants to do this to me is enough to get me close to orgasmic. I cannot and will not allow myself to go there and compromise my marrage, Oh but the mind may be strong but the body is oh so weak. In times that we are living in a marriage needs to be cherished so if only I could get my husband to openly communicate with me on this, but as we get older we cannot change and I do need to respect that as well.

Ta for reading my woes

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

First thing to do is withhold judgement of yourself. You are all grown up now and allowed to WANT sex, to desire and lust for the things you describe. You, and many people like you, are in a conundrum. I agree that cheating does not help as it can complicate life much more. Mind you many people - as well as research- shows that having an affair can be beneficial to a sexless marriage. I am not endorsing this either way, merely stating facts. Another fact is that however scientifically one wants to work in sexuality and relationships, there is no science to fit every person's unique experience. So its your call, based on your own life.
I do notice that you are not playing fair by your husband - you are not telling him how you feel thus depriving him of the opportunity to change/adapt/adjust. If he does not know your level of frustration to the point of considering an affair, of course he cannot change.
Take this chance- tell him how you feel and teach him what you need, There are marvellous treatments available for men with sexual dysfunctions and chronic diseases.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2010/04/18

First thing to do is withhold judgement of yourself. You are all grown up now and allowed to WANT sex, to desire and lust for the things you describe. You, and many people like you, are in a conundrum. I agree that cheating does not help as it can complicate life much more. Mind you many people - as well as research- shows that having an affair can be beneficial to a sexless marriage. I am not endorsing this either way, merely stating facts. Another fact is that however scientifically one wants to work in sexuality and relationships, there is no science to fit every person's unique experience. So its your call, based on your own life.
I do notice that you are not playing fair by your husband - you are not telling him how you feel thus depriving him of the opportunity to change/adapt/adjust. If he does not know your level of frustration to the point of considering an affair, of course he cannot change.
Take this chance- tell him how you feel and teach him what you need, There are marvellous treatments available for men with sexual dysfunctions and chronic diseases.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert
Posted by: concerned wife | 2010/04/09

Dear Oldster, you said it, isn''t life a bitch. I have learnt that nothing in life is perfect, yet one keeps longing for that special something and to me there is just nothing more special and sensual to be able to give and to receive the pleasures of lovemaking with no hoding back. Something beautiful to be shared, explored, experimented etc etc. I think you would understand and doing it for yourself is OK but not ideal.

Reply to concerned wife
Posted by: Oldster | 2010/04/09

Now I have the same problem with my wife as you have with your man. I have the urges, but my wife has a puritanical attitude and does not even want to HEAR about anything to do with sex, so I too do not want to communicate my needs as it sounds as if I am a pervert or something. She covers up her body and as you know we men are stimulated to a very large degree by VISUALS, so that puts a damper on things. I have reverted to porn DVD''s and books and this has brought a great deal of relief. I unfortunately have had to forego the physical aspects with my wife as I am NOT going begging and pleading. I will not go outside the marriage as that will not solve anything, so don''t go there. Kepp on satisfying yourself as you are doing now and accept the inevitable. Isn''t life a bitch, there you are with your needs and here I am with mine, never to satsify one another !!

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: boomsie | 2010/04/09

please do not give in to satan. love is stronger than sex.
stop talking to that other man imediatly!
cherrish your husband, you chose him, stick with him. i am giving you advise that i grew up with. and i am only 23.

Reply to boomsie

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement