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Question
Posted by: Peas | 2011/01/18

Losing my husband

Hi CS,

My husband has had a really tough few years with our businesses and his father. He did not have an easy childhood as his father kept telling him that he would not amount to anything and told him to eff off several times.

Due to the recession, our industry crashed and we had to down scale our business to survive. My husband''s ego took a lot of knocks as he had to explain to staff, customers and creditors of our intentions. We pay for the parents house and have done this for 8 years but cannot anymore. They refuse to move out of the house and the bank will probably repossess it, so we will lose out financially and have more debt to pay back.

This is all eating at my husband who has lost weight, hair and plays computer games all day. He locks himself in the study and only comes out when he hears me losing my rag with the children. He then shouts at the children and goes back to his game. His father still tells him to eff off but still expects us to pay for his house. We have sought legal advice but still have no solution.

My husband says counseling will not help as the problem lies with his father and the recession. I really cannot stand seeing him like this. He was my pillar of strength and now he is falling apart. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Understandably an awful situation for both of you. The Temptation would be to tell the father that you are all being damaged by his stubborn greed, and that it would be better for him to eff off rather than your husband.
Your husband is right and wrong about counselling - counselling cannot change the recession or the awful father - but i can help one to change on's attitude towards those facts of life, and find more agreeable and more comfortable ways to live with them.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Eric | 2011/01/19

Sounds like he could be depressed and withdraw and needs professional help to get motivated again.

Reply to Eric
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/19

Understandably an awful situation for both of you. The Temptation would be to tell the father that you are all being damaged by his stubborn greed, and that it would be better for him to eff off rather than your husband.
Your husband is right and wrong about counselling - counselling cannot change the recession or the awful father - but i can help one to change on's attitude towards those facts of life, and find more agreeable and more comfortable ways to live with them.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: HaveYouMetMyClone? | 2011/01/18

The recession isnt a good enough excuse, unless you believe everything " they"  tell you. People are always making money in good or bad times often in ingenious ways so think differently be creative and dont give up. I base this on my own experience, during the so called " boom"  time in SA when the country had " growth" (if a sustained 45% unemployed population can ever experience a " boom" ) i had fcuk all, best part of my career so far has been during the " tough economic times"  so short and sweet of it stop reminding yourself that times are tough, trust me times have been much worse.

Basically the only solution is within yourself, you need to either get exceptionally lucky and not rely on whats within you, or you need to dig deep dont give up keep trying and find the answer from yourself. Give praying a go but remember Gods not the only person whos listens when you pray so just be mindful of that.

Remeber to ask the right questions! And also remember your not in a shack so is it really that bad for you?

Reply to HaveYouMetMyClone?

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