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Question
Posted by: Patrick | 2012/09/19

Losing interest sexually

Sometime back (5 years to be exact) I found out that my wife was having an affair. We sorted things out and all is now normal excerpt in bed. In majority of instances when we try to make love, I find it difficult to get or maintain an erection. The problem is that I cannot help thinking about her and the other person. These thoughts become worse when she initiates intimacy. It has now reached a level where I am not very eager to touch her because of fear of disappointing her due to failed or no erection at all. As I am writing its about three months since we had sex and even then it happened after a long period of time. It is really frustrating and sometimes the mere thought or sight of our bedroom adds to the trauma. I have used stimulants such as Staminafit which helped but I feel I cannot use these everytime I needed to make love to my wife. I am perfectly a healthy 45 year old who frequents the gym and who does other physical activities. I have read that my problem is might be more psychological than physical. How can I resolve it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Having an erection is far more complex han most people realize, and can indeed be upset by something like lingering doubts and bad feelings after having been cheated. When you allow yourself to start thinking about her and the other guy, the bed gets overcrowded, and you get switched off. There are indeed likely to be psychological factors at the core of this, so seeing a psychiatrist or in this particular cse, even better a psychologist, for assessment and a discussion, may help you to get advice and assistance to put this right. Its good news that the problem is likely to be psychological because that's more easily remedied than physically caused erection problems.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nono | 2012/10/24

Its very funny that i read these comments now when i am facing a similar challenge. its very difficult in amrriage especailly when there''s this void that is created, that''s so difficult to fill then comes along someone who can fill this void but then you know there''s a chance or killing your marriage. i''M WITH nathan on this we shouldnt be judging one person marriage is made of 2 people and there are times when u feel u are taken for granted and yo partner doesnt seem to take note of what yo complaints are about . marriage is difficult and its even more difficult once chastisy is compromised.

Reply to Nono
Posted by: Nathan | 2012/09/20

Gerdy has a point. But remember: it takes two to tango.If something is missing in a marriage at some stage somebody comes along that fills that void. That is when cheating starts. If your marriage isn''t right , do not blame your partnrt if he/she looks around . Be open from the start and WORK on a happy marriage

Reply to Nathan
Posted by: Gerdy | 2012/09/20

My husband cheated on me and we worked thru things. Everything is good except we are not intimate anymore.
Good on you for keeping the family together. It is not easy, but worth it.
Most people make some sort of mistake in their lives. Mostly its men that cheat. We all need a second chance.
If it happens again, and believe me YOU WILL KNOW, then I say, think carefully, but for now, good on you.

Reply to Gerdy
Posted by: Hurt2 | 2012/09/20

my partner cheated twice on me, and unfortunately since the last cheat which was 10 years ago we were never intimate again. I filed now for divorce. Once trust is broken it is so hard to restore.

Reply to Hurt2
Posted by: Anon | 2012/09/20

Leave your wife. You deserve better. Someone who won''t cheat on you. The thoughts will always be there, even if you seek help. Its best to let go! and move on.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Mark | 2012/09/20

What would you have done if the roles were reversed.? You obviously love her a lot to take her back but still you battle with the images playing in your head. How do you stop a jackal from stealing chickens? YOU CAN''T.

Reply to Mark
Posted by: Majozi | 2012/09/20

Get rid of your cheating wife...you are the only man who forgives his cheating wife.

Reply to Majozi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/19

Having an erection is far more complex han most people realize, and can indeed be upset by something like lingering doubts and bad feelings after having been cheated. When you allow yourself to start thinking about her and the other guy, the bed gets overcrowded, and you get switched off. There are indeed likely to be psychological factors at the core of this, so seeing a psychiatrist or in this particular cse, even better a psychologist, for assessment and a discussion, may help you to get advice and assistance to put this right. Its good news that the problem is likely to be psychological because that's more easily remedied than physically caused erection problems.

Reply to cybershrink

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