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Question
Posted by: zen | 2008/09/05

losing control

Hi Doc

I think I' ve reaced the end of my rope. Everything is just spiraling downwards. It started in December last year when I found out my husband had been chatting on MXit for 6 months. At that stage our baby was barely 6 months old. After I found him out, I wanted to divorce him. He told old the ladies he was " single and bored" , even met one for lunch. He claims it was just innocent chatting.

Up to now I haven' t been 100% healthy: itt' s just the one thing after another. While our baby was in hospital in Febr with broncho-pneumonia, I fell ill with laringitis. So far I' ve had gastro 6 times. I have a permanent post-nasal drip and had ear infection as well. My eating is not under control. I can' t seem to stop eating! For lunch I would eat a sandwich, 6 cheese scones and finish it off with a chocolate! And I don' t really taste what I eat. At home I don' t really want to cook, because I don' t know what I want to eat. At work I am just sitting here, doing the bare minimum. I used to be a real go-getter, but it' s as if I' m not the same person anymore. I feel nothing. My home is a mess, because I don' t do the ironing anymore, I just iron what I want to wear on a specific day. I don' t clean the house anymore. Everything is just too much effort and most of the time I don' t know what I feel or want.

I am also responsible for all the expenses of our home. My husband pays only the creche of our child (he earns less than half of what I earn). I have fallen behind on almost all my accounts and now I have received letters from attorneys for medical accounts that were not paid by my medical aid. I simply can' t keep up with everything anymore.

Where do I start to put my life back in order? When I look at my husband, most of the times I feel nothing. When I do feel something, it' s resentment. I hate him for what he' s put me through and the situation he' s put me in. I don' t think I love him anymore, but even about THAT I' m not sure what I feel!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We;;, what he did was seedy --- not entirely innocent, but maybe not as bad as some of the alternatives. See a good doc / psychiatrist for a thorough assessment and treatment advice ( there might be, for instance, some Post Natal Depression here ) , and cionsider seeing a counsellor --- firstly an individual counsellor for your own problems, and later maybe some joint sessions of marriage counselling with your husband.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: LIS | 2008/09/05

SHAME GIRLS.. THESE ARE TERRIBLE AND FAMILIAR STORIES!!! MY EX USED TO SLEEP AROUND BEHIND MY BACK. I' M SURE HE DID EVERY WHORE IN TOWN!!! AND I WAS SO IN DENIAL. EVENTUALLY HE MOVED INTO HIS OWN PLACE.. I GUESS SO HE DIDN' T EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHERE HE WAS ANY MORE. I HAD TO LEAVE HIM!! IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NOW HAVE A WONDERFUL LOVING BOYFRIEND, WHO TREATS ME LIKE GOLD, BUYS ME FLOWERS, AND WANTS TO SPEND ALL HIS TIME BY MY SIDE! I LOVE HIM!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU GIRLS.. THERE ARE SOME DECENT GUYS OUT THERE xxx

Reply to LIS
Posted by: jojo | 2008/09/05

So sorry to hear both your stories. Wish this damn mix-it never hit SA!

Can you believe it i' ve got the same problem!

I always thought mixit was just a thing itching teenagers used! Imagine my horror when i one day looked on my husbands phone. Was looking for the number of a new mutual friend we made the night before and when i looked on his phone, there was a message, and as the message alert stays on there till you open it, i opened it cause i wanted to get into the phone, so i saw this message was from a woman saying something along the likes of " Hey sweety, let me know when you go onto mixit again, cant wait to chat. Kisses"  !!!!

Now, i knew what mixit was and how to access it cause we had a talk at our work about it, to warn us how dangerous it could be for our KIDS!!

So i went onto mixit and it logged in automatically. Not even a second and a message comes in. " Hey sweety! I missed you sooooo much!" 

So i played along and found out that they have been meeting up and even been away together! When he told me he' s going away for work!!!

I was so mad i started looking for the biggest vase to hit him over the head with!

I don' t know what to do regarding this, im so vurious i' m at a loss of words and actions....!!!!................!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to jojo
Posted by: Mandy | 2008/09/05

Hang in there girl. i have the same problem. As difficult as it sounds you need to do the following:
pick yourself up. Think about and re-instate the things you enjoyed about yourself and also for your kids sake.
Let him know that you are not prepared to live with it. Seeing as you earn the most give him an ultimatum. Believe me he will fall very hard and when that happens send him off to his Mix-It whores. I did not turn a cold shoulder to him phsycologically but sexually. I sitll cooked, cleaned, talked, but I made it very clear to him that I was leaving and did not need hime for anything. when he asked for anything I told him to ask the whores on mixit. If he does go to them then you know that he felt nothing for your releationship. My battle has not been won as I know he still chats, just not in front of me. But I think that I am getting there. Gud luck and keep in contact with me via this forum. together we will sort these married mixit gigalos.

Reply to Mandy

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