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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2012/01/12

Loosing it

I know its early in the morning and early in the year for this. But is there something wrong with me, if there is how can i change it? I feel like I am loosing all the zeal to love, to be kind and caring.

I''ve always thought of myself as a naturally loving and caring person. Devoted to helping each other all the time, be it helpless animals, homeless kids, abandoned kids, friends in need, people going though tough time, families in need, encouraging unity amongst families and forgiveness to those bearing grudges.

But as early as it is in this year, I am going though a emotionless phase. I feel like I''ve lost all the zeal to love, to help, to be patient. I am not angry or anything. But I feel like something have been drained from me to the point that I am feeling completely dry.

I think in my quest for self sacrifice, I''ve allowed myself to be drained emotionally and in other ways.

This has been my personality since childhood, if I had to give up something so my siblings could have what they wanted (no necessarily a necessity) I always felt some fulfillment in knowing that it made them happy, it never bothered me that I was going without in my life.

When I was in school, giving up the time I could use to study to help my classmates always gave me satisfaction. At tertiary giving up my food, my cosmetics or even my clothes to others, it felt like there was something being fulfilled in my life.

When I started dating, I''ve always attracted guys who were going though rough patches, either financially, career wise or life in general or those who claim that they''re relationships are in the blink of falling apart anyway. Personally I''ve always like challenging situation and gained some satisfaction from seeing a " tough"  task to a completion. Like helping those guys gain financial independency, or putting their careers to a right stand or sorting things out with their partners. Even if they left me in the end it never really hurt that they were leaving me after I''ve help them, I always found comfort and satisfaction in knowing that I made a positive difference in their lives.

Meeting someone negative towards life always felt like a challenge I wanted to take, because I felt so determined to motivate them, to turn their life around, to see things in a different way. And when their attitude towards life finally changed. I felt some kind of victory.

When I started working, helping those who were new in town, by letting them stay in my place for months pro bono until they find their feet and seek for accommodating always gave me satisfaction.

But of lately, I feel so drained, I feel like I''ve opened myself so long to be taken advantage off. Hence I feel so emotionless, I''ve lost all the zeal to be loving, courage to be kind and caring. Any energy to help where my help is needed.

Has any of you ever felt this way, and what were the actions taken to mend this situation, and regain any eagerness towards life?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Much of what you describe sounds like possibly Depression, which would respond well to treatment. Psychotherap / counselling, especially of the CBT format, would also be useful, both to deal with the depression, and also the almost masochistic sense in which you describe your possibly excessive devotion to sacrificing your own best interests for the sake of others.
You need to learn what I call Altruistic Selfishness - to recognize that unless you look after yourself and your own interests properly, you will become less and less able to help anyone else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: another anonymous | 2012/01/13

Hi there anonymous I think in the past I have battled with the same problem. The reason I used to do it is because when u have a low self esteem you require reinforcement from others and you desire their pleasing words or acceptance more. Hence in your case you would do anything for other people to gain their acceptance, even if it means deavaluing your needs and giving your important energy in the form of money, time, physical ability whatever to suit them. What your effectively doing is begging for their acceptance by being ''" nice" . Ever heard the saying nice guys finish last? Its true, nice, soft, gentle people get walked over! You are actually a nicer person if you treat yourself with more respect and value yourself more. When you tell people you are worth a lot they like you more and because they like you more they can spend more time with you and exchange energy with you. Treat yourself well, it comes down to self worth at the end of the day. Never compromise on your values otherwise there are abusive people out there who are going to treat you like dirt. These types of people are attracted to people like you because your an easy target. Set the example, say no and people around that will notice you are not a person to be walked all over. Good luck

Reply to another anonymous
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/12

I know exactly how you feel. It''s called depression. A long time ago I was exactly where you are now. What you need to realise, is that helping others at personal cost will eventually drag you down (and you do sound like you''ve hit the bottom). You need to learn how to be a little selfish and rather take care of yourself before trying to take care of others.

Perhaps you should see a psychiatrist - an antidepressant might be necessary, in conjunction with CBT-style therapy to change your bad habit of looking out for others before looking out for yourself.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/12

Much of what you describe sounds like possibly Depression, which would respond well to treatment. Psychotherap / counselling, especially of the CBT format, would also be useful, both to deal with the depression, and also the almost masochistic sense in which you describe your possibly excessive devotion to sacrificing your own best interests for the sake of others.
You need to learn what I call Altruistic Selfishness - to recognize that unless you look after yourself and your own interests properly, you will become less and less able to help anyone else.

Reply to cybershrink

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