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Question
Posted by: Ben | 2011-07-19

Looming divorce

My wife and I are nearly married for 28 years. Recently I went through a tough time at work and stress has made me neglect my wife. She has now found somebody that she is in love (?)with. I do not want to loose her and is willing to forgive her for violating our marriage vows and make things right between us, but she is very interrested in this other guy. She has even asked me to allow her to spend time with this guy to make up her mind. I can not believe that she could even asked for that. What do I do? Do I let her spend the time with him? This is tearing me apart. I love her very much and want to carry on with the marriage giving my all to make it work.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

28 years is a long time together and surely this accounts for some good understanding between the two of you. I would let your wife know that you do love her very much and want to preserve your marriage.
Obviously, anything that happens between consenting adults should be respected and accepting that she spends some time with the other person is your decision only, but a double edge situation.
If she needs some time to re-evaluate her situation give her a bit of space but with an understanding that she must spend this time alone and not with the other person. For her to clarify her situation should be done alone and not with the influence of another person in her life.
You've let her slip away because of some neglect. Let her know of your willingness and motivation to save your marriage first and foremost and perhaps even suggest some couple counselling.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jo-Ann | 2011-08-03

Hi I am on the other side of the coin, another women is taking away my husband from me. I really don''t believe that she actually loves him, she only wants to humiliate me. She is a master manipulater and have him on strings! We are married for nearly 20 years, and let me tell you that nothing will keep your wife with you if she wants to leave. Do as I do and call it quits, although I will always love him I will never be able to trust him again. Although you think everything will be back to normal if she is back, let me tell you it will not, I tried!!! Walk out with your head held high and let her go, she will realise her fault, and then try to get back. BUT DON" T!!!

Reply to Jo-Ann
Posted by: Me | 2011-07-26

No you do not let her spend any time with any other man whatsoever...what happened to the vows that was agreed upon before God..?? 28 Yrs is a lifetime, you both must do your utmost best to safe your marriage, that is the only right thing to do Ben.
Then make it work, but first get down to the root of the problem, get an interdict against this other guy..for heavensake he do not understand what a sin it is to go after another man''s wife.
Best of luck, I can imagine your pain.

Reply to Me

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