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Question
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

Looks

Hi Cs

Please tell me what you think, I have been with my bf for 2years now. I do love him, we get along well, we fight like cat &  dog at times too, we hate ea.other at times, we kiss we make up.He irritates me sometimes and likewise on his part lol but I think the good def. outwieghs the bad.

I said to him the other day when we have good days its like really good, when we have bad days its really bad.
So I guess thats life, its not supposed to be what you see in the movies and have stars in your eyes whenever you see ea.othe etc.
I think we have a good relationship and that we would have a good marriage too but yes I know, I will only know what that would be like when we actually get married.

So we have been speaking about it, one thing that I have in my mind, which I sometimes cannot help thinking about is when this all happens and we one day have kids, I think about their looks.
Now I am very pretty and he does not have much in the looks dep.
For me I think looks are important but not the most imp.thing obviously but it does help.
Now I keep thinking, what if we had a girl and she looks like him... not that I would love her any less but I would love my kids to be pretty. Not saying that being with a good looking guy would produce good looking kids but the risk is greater.

Well even he said he hopes that when we have kids they all look like me.
I think thats the only worry I have, I cant speak to anyone else about this because I know it is silly but it is a true worry for me.

My parents have said they hope I dont have any kids by him, well they just mean like that.
Sometimes I just wonder what our kids would look like.
Is it wrong of me, I just cant help it!
How do I get this out of my head!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He doesn't have fantastic good looks - but he's a splendid guy who is happy with someone as good as you - so are looks really THAT important ?
Kids generally look like themselves, with elements of mom and dad, and its unpredictable. Sometimes they look like your great grand-dad !
You are letting yourself get hung up over something trivial and which sounds unpleasantly like vanity.
I wouldn't mind if my kids were good-looking - but I would very much rather that they have a beautiful personality and are happy and loving, than that they be pretty. And if one over-emphasizes "pretty" as a value, you tend to get kids who are uglier inside, and who have real problems in life when, as is inevitable, their looks fade, and they have nothing else.
And, sorry, but I agree with those readers who say you sound deeply shallow, and worryingly uninterested in much more important things.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ME | 2010/02/11

Oh Miki...DITTO!

Reply to ME
Posted by: YY | 2010/02/11

GOLD DIGGER! Now we know why you are with him, for the money!
You have peanut brain, sis on you! So you are JUST A PRETTY FACE!

Reply to YY
Posted by: misa | 2010/02/10

Why don' t you just dump him and get one of your models?Or the money is just too good...........

Reply to misa
Posted by: Lily | 2010/02/10

I dont think Layla is talking about plain children but rather ugly children. When 2 parens with hook noses and skew teeth have little replicas running around...shame poor kiddies they dont stand a chance. and yes its important to be all the good things in life like having integrity and a strong character and being kind and polite but pretty people are these things too not just plain or ugly people. This is discrimination against the people who were blessed with good looks.

Reply to Lily
Posted by: C | 2010/02/10

I can honestly say that the thought never crossed my mind when I was pregnant with my two children. You will love your children regardless of how they look and even if they are not " good-looking" , they will still be the most beuatiful children in your eyes because they are YOURS. I' ve seen people who are not very attractive with beautiful children. Some things you just cannot predict. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (and only skin deep). One day you will also grow old and no longer be as " good looking"  as you are right now.


Reply to C
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/10

I personally don' t believe it makes things " easier"  if you are good looking. Things might come to you easier, and people might treat you differently based on your good looks, but how does that challenge you to become a better person? How does that help you to grow and learn?
We had a very good looking girl at the office working as a temp, and was offered a job by some of the male managers who " enjoyed the view" . So great, she got the job based on her looks, but she had to be fired after a short while because not only was she not equipped to do her job, but she was also lazy and she tried to steal from the company. She had probably learned over the years to get by on her looks, but at the end of the day, there was no real substance to her.

I would much rather have my children be warm, kind, motivated, interesting people than just simply " pretty" .

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: JJ | 2010/02/10

Layla believe me once you will find out you are pregnant your views will change immediately. All you would then think about is the health of your little one and not the looks. Trust me that would be the last thing on your mind...

Reply to JJ
Posted by: miki | 2010/02/09

u right anon the truth finally revealed itself, however you are ALL still missing the point, the point is nobody mature and intelligent and caring enough EVER thinks of what the kids will look like but instead hopes and prays that they will be healhty! at the end of the day with the way things are today, you can have extensions put on kroes hare (kinky hair) you can have face lifts etc etc to make yourself look like Michael J if you want but heck people you cannot buy HEALTH, so many kids are born disable and or later develop cancer and heck some even die due to illness and here we have someone preoccupied first and foremost with what they will look like, because who defined what beauty is anyway heh? what might be ugly kids to you could be the very one' s that would end up being the next Charlize Theron or better still they might not be pretty lookin in accordance to whoever' s standards but you might be raising the next president or just someone who will make a huge difference to this sick society, now that is what i would be worried about, whether you are capable of bringin another human up to be stable and loveable instead of vain.

Reply to miki
Posted by: Anon | 2010/02/09

And there you have it folks, the ugly man has the pretty girlfriend because he is RICH.

Oldest story in the book.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

lol! I am good looking.
I dated a model before and amny good looking guys but it always felt like something was missing.
Either I couldnt have a decent conversation with them, they were too into their looks, no trust, there was always something.
We started as friends and then things just developed from there and I realized that I really loved this guy and that I could spend the rest of my life with him.

Some people tend to think that I' m only with him for his money but when we first started out I was not even aware that he was wealthy. We have been through alot together and he has stuck by me and proved that he really is the one.
So I have really found that the best looking guys are not really all that is made out of them

Reply to Layla
Posted by: Wondering | 2010/02/09

I' m just wondering, are you really as good looking as you thing? Or is this your own opinion? And if you are so good looking, why don' t you have a good looking guy?Just wondering, you should really ask yourself if starngers perceptions of your looks might diffir from yours, sometimes you might get a surpirse.  -)

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

Maybe I am being immature, also I would never call any kid names or look down on them because of their looks or anything of the sort.

Reply to Layla
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

True sometimes ugly people have beautifull kids.
Perhaps my features would balance out his or at least I hope so.
I' m sorry if I sound shallow but well at least I got a fair perspective on this issue.

I think I will just stop worrying about it and whatever my kids look like it dsnt really matter.We will be there to make sure they happy, loved, cared for and protected.

Reply to Layla
Posted by: Concerned! | 2010/02/09

You sound like one of those mean mums who will call others kids names!
This is bulldust coming from an adult. What if you cant have kids??? Grow up!

Reply to Concerned!
Posted by: ME | 2010/02/09

Really stupid and immature! We are all human beings. Sis!

Reply to ME
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

hmm maybe then I am shallow but I cannot help it! I' m am possitive that my thought are not all that abnormal and that things like this does not go through others heads, they just dont speak about it.
I do love him and accpet him as he is, I' m just thinking about if we had kids which I am sure every women thinks about.
I love him and am attracted to him very much so.

I am not a horrible person at all and I know that you dont get perfect. I love him for who he is and how I have grown from being with him and what I have learnt from him.
I do know that if you are a women and beautifull people are just different towards you and treat you differently to if you were not, things are just much easier and thats why I would be worried if I do have girls.

Maybe I' m just the only insane person over here.

Reply to Layla
Posted by: jones | 2010/02/09

Whats wrong with your chn being ugly like their dad, they will be loved too , just like you loved their dad. Your man should really be ugly, to be such a threat to your future offsprings. If he is ugly and does not treat u like a queen then there ,one cud say there is reason to worry , for what cud be the reason for the sacrifice. Then what if the handsome ones come at a cost , " abundant love waiting in the wings" . Appreciate what you have when u still have it. Keep on seeing what you saw when you fell in love with him in the first place.

Reply to jones
Posted by: UGLY | 2010/02/09

PErsonally I' m not the best looking guy around, and my x was avarage. Somehow we really had good looking kids I suppose as long as not everyone in the family is ugly, the kids might turn out ok? .

Reply to UGLY
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

lol! Thanx Women!
I' m glad at least you see what I mean.
I just know how mean kids can be even esp. to not so nice looking kids, its a harsh world out their and it would break my heart to have any kid of mine go through all that, for some kids it never stop even when they reach secondary school.

He even told me that he was called a certain name because of an outstanding facial feature that he has and I worry that my kids would have it too and kids are very sensitive.
He has rather strong genes.
His brother has beautifull kids although he has the same features as my bf but just not as pronounced though.

Reply to Layla
Posted by: Amy | 2010/02/09

No, you are definately shallow and horrible.

Every person deserves to be respected and loved JUST the way they are. And obviously you are not capable of accepting him as he is, and therefore should LEAVE. And if your mother has a comment about his looks, she' s just as shallow as you are.

I' m sure someone else will come along and love him as is, however, as soon as a guy finds out how shallow you are he' d run for the hills.

Reply to Amy
Posted by: XXX | 2010/02/09

Your thinking is rather shallow BUT remember,even if he is not the best looking guy around,you are dating and having sex with him (presumably).
We cannot all be Miss World or Mr Universe,as long as he has all the other positive attributes.
If you find him unattractive now,then think hard about going the distance with him.It might just become an issue one day.
Marilyn Monroe once asked Albert Einstein if they could have a child together as it would have great looks and brains.Einstein turned down the request ,as he said what if the child had his looks and her brains !

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Woman | 2010/02/09

My mother always said that it' s better to have a bad looking man than a good looking one. She said a good looking man is everyone' s man, but to a bad looking man, you will always be his queen.

I understand that you have reservations, because face it, we all want little angels! But let me tell you something, one day, your looks will go, his looks will go and all that will be left will be two wrinkled (and hopefully happy) old people.

As for future children. Remember that it' s not only your genes and his genes - it' s all the genes from both your families. If your kids grow up in a happy home, they will be happy. And you will think that they are beautiful, because they are yours.

And if they are not the best looking kids on the block, well, you can explain to them that beauty is skin deep, it' s the inside that matters, and if they' re still unhappy you can offer to pay for plastic surgery.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Layla | 2010/02/09

Guys I am not trying to be horrible here!
I am not shallow either!
I am just being real!
You guys can' t tell me that secretly you would not be thinking the same thing, or that the thought would never cross your mind if you were with a not so attractive looking guy!

Reply to Layla
Posted by: D | 2010/02/09

Wow, thats shallow. I hope the poor oke kicks you to the curb.

Reply to D
Posted by: Amy | 2010/02/09

You are a horrible person.

I hope he drops you for someone else.

Reply to Amy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/09

He doesn't have fantastic good looks - but he's a splendid guy who is happy with someone as good as you - so are looks really THAT important ?
Kids generally look like themselves, with elements of mom and dad, and its unpredictable. Sometimes they look like your great grand-dad !
You are letting yourself get hung up over something trivial and which sounds unpleasantly like vanity.
I wouldn't mind if my kids were good-looking - but I would very much rather that they have a beautiful personality and are happy and loving, than that they be pretty. And if one over-emphasizes "pretty" as a value, you tend to get kids who are uglier inside, and who have real problems in life when, as is inevitable, their looks fade, and they have nothing else.
And, sorry, but I agree with those readers who say you sound deeply shallow, and worryingly uninterested in much more important things.

Reply to cybershrink

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