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Question
Posted by: Shocked | 2010-05-08

long lost brother

I am 48. I was informed yesterday that I have a half brother who also lives in Cape Town. We share a father who died several years ago. Though I suspected something like this all these years because of seeing a postal order always sent to the mother of this person, this was still a huge shock for me.

My father was a wonderful person and especially a great father. I have the fondest memories of him and will not allow a ''mistake'' in his past to ruin what I have always felt, and still feel, for him.

I cried bitterly after my sister (it''s just the two of us) told me the news which she herself also found out just yesterday. I don''t really know what I feel or whether I should talk to someone about this. I would like to meet with this person, and feel I would embrace him with open arms. How do I go about it, Doc? Our husbands are very supportive. Both my sister and I feel we need time before meeting with this person. We want the same for him and not just appear at his doorstep and give him the shock of his life.

Any suggestions? Thank you kindly.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously this was, as it would be, a major surprise for you, and it will take a few days for you to calm and decide how you feel abou this. YOur feelings for you father will be based, naturally, on your experiences of him and how he treated you. This discovery provides extra information about him, but doesn't change who he was top you and with you.
So you both need time to digest this news. To then plan to meet this newly discovered half brother may be someting you will decide to do - and as you say, you need to take into acount HIS wishes and feelings, especially if he has not yet made this discovery. Maybe he has known about this all along, and you will only know when you are all three in direct contat.
I dont think we can predict how you will all feel - but this new information says nothing bad about the three of you, and just adds to what you know about your father. Maybe a letter would be a useful way of making the first contact with him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-09

Obviously this was, as it would be, a major surprise for you, and it will take a few days for you to calm and decide how you feel abou this. YOur feelings for you father will be based, naturally, on your experiences of him and how he treated you. This discovery provides extra information about him, but doesn't change who he was top you and with you.
So you both need time to digest this news. To then plan to meet this newly discovered half brother may be someting you will decide to do - and as you say, you need to take into acount HIS wishes and feelings, especially if he has not yet made this discovery. Maybe he has known about this all along, and you will only know when you are all three in direct contat.
I dont think we can predict how you will all feel - but this new information says nothing bad about the three of you, and just adds to what you know about your father. Maybe a letter would be a useful way of making the first contact with him ?

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