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Question
Posted by: Angel | 2012/02/15

Long distance relationship

I have been communicating with an old school friend of mine for a while now. He lives in Australia (9 time zones away). We want to be together, but cannot. He has a very important position at an airline there and I have my children and family here, whom I don''t want to leave behind. Should I visit him and see where it takes us or should I stay put and carry on with my life here? I have developed strong feelings for him over time and cannot bear the thought of not having him in my life as it were. Advice anyone? It''s not as simple as getting onto an airplane every time we want to be together and the cost implication is scary to say the least! Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he has a very important position in the airline, can't he visit you, or get you a specially low fair on an airline ? Could be one of the perks of his job. It would be highly unwise to think of re-locating to another country without having met for so long. And the "strong feelings" you have developed may be more for your idea of who he is, than for who he actually is.
Basing any plans for a relatonship on Facebook, is like assuming that PR puffery is always true.
And why on earth WON'T he come to SA, especially as he could possibly do so free or at least at really low cost ? What might he not want you to find out ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2012/02/16

What are you going to do with your children when yo visit him? Also is he interested in being part of your childresns lives? I agree with obvious on the costs thingy.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/02/16

If he has an important job in an airline company why can he not cover the travelling costs.

Sounds like pie in the sky thinking to me.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Angel | 2012/02/16

Thanks for your response Maria. You are so right in what you say. No one person can really get to know another via email or Facebook or otherwise. A lot has changed (especially me) over the past 30 years and I think this is just a dream for both of us, nothing more. It''s cannot be a reality unless of course he would come to SA which he won''t do, and no, I don''t think I want to go to the expense and that distance to maybe come back disappointed! Once again thanks for your input.

Reply to Angel
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/16

If he has a very important position in the airline, can't he visit you, or get you a specially low fair on an airline ? Could be one of the perks of his job. It would be highly unwise to think of re-locating to another country without having met for so long. And the "strong feelings" you have developed may be more for your idea of who he is, than for who he actually is.
Basing any plans for a relatonship on Facebook, is like assuming that PR puffery is always true.
And why on earth WON'T he come to SA, especially as he could possibly do so free or at least at really low cost ? What might he not want you to find out ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2012/02/15

When was the last time that you had frequent, face to face contact? If it was when you were at school, and now you have kids, it''s safe to assume that quite a number of years and a lot of living has happened in the meantime. So in actual fact you don''t really know this guy. You have an image of him in your head of how he was many years ago, and if you are communicating electronically now you are seeing his best side, like he is probably seeing yours. The reality might be very different if you actually spend time together. Don''t go running after him. If he wants to be with you, let him come and visit you and your kids. Because you come as a package deal, and he might be in denial about that as well. Don''t fall into the trap of thinking that this man is THE ONE, there are more men out there who can be good and satisfying partners, and are not 9 time zones away.

Reply to Maria

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