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Question
Posted by: Phillipine | 2012/08/17

Lonely

I lost my partner about 6 months ago. Now i really want to start seeing and date other people.
Is it bad for me to start dating other people??
How will my kids feel about it?? I have two daughters one is 15 and the other is 4 years old.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not a matter of "bad" or good. If by having "lost" your partner, you mean that he/she died, then there are different things to consider. One is your own feelings. Most of us need well more than 6 months to get over a serious loss of a loved one, usually at least 9 months to a year, and rushing into a new relationship is often not helpful. Friendships, yes, but not necessarily dating. Another is how friends and family might react - and they may disapprove, and while its strictly not their business, their disapproval may be an unpleasant complication.
Then the children are a very very releant factor. Often they are especialyl sensitive about the idea that you're getting a stranger ( to them ) to replace mom or dad, and they may well resent it. Their reaction tends to vay according to age. Try talking gently with each of them, separately, about how THEY are reacting to the loss, about how nobody can or will replace the parent they have lost, but how in time adults do move on and start to make new friends, so as not to be too lonely. And explore how they feel about the idea, in theory before it becomes an immediate reality for them

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/18

Its not a matter of "bad" or good. If by having "lost" your partner, you mean that he/she died, then there are different things to consider. One is your own feelings. Most of us need well more than 6 months to get over a serious loss of a loved one, usually at least 9 months to a year, and rushing into a new relationship is often not helpful. Friendships, yes, but not necessarily dating. Another is how friends and family might react - and they may disapprove, and while its strictly not their business, their disapproval may be an unpleasant complication.
Then the children are a very very releant factor. Often they are especialyl sensitive about the idea that you're getting a stranger ( to them ) to replace mom or dad, and they may well resent it. Their reaction tends to vay according to age. Try talking gently with each of them, separately, about how THEY are reacting to the loss, about how nobody can or will replace the parent they have lost, but how in time adults do move on and start to make new friends, so as not to be too lonely. And explore how they feel about the idea, in theory before it becomes an immediate reality for them

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