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Question
Posted by: Mandy | 2011/08/06

Lonely

Hi CS, my mother is very controlling to such an extent that I have few friends. I hardly ever go out and have not had a serious relationship. I am 26. My 2 older siblings hurt my parents very badly and my parents take out their hurt and frustrations on me (there is a huge age gap between us and I was in boarding school when all this happened).

I''ve tried moving out of home but they always make me feel guilty about it, as if I''m abandoning them. I''m like the emotional punching bag, I can''t take it any more.

I can''t remember the last time I was happy. I have no one to talk to and have contemplated suicide every day for a while now. I have dreams and aspirations but living each day is just so hard. Please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder why, aged 26, you still ALLOW her to be so controlling ? Maybe, as you suggest, she is trying to prevent a repeat of whatever went so wrong with her relationship with your older sibs, but, as often happens, she may in fact be making it more likely to occur.
Is there no possibility for you to move out and live your own life by your own rules ? You must not allow yourself to allow them to make you feel guilty. It is their responsibility if they encourage their children to abandon them. And they should not expect you to distort your own life in order to make up for their errors.
Suicide should not at all be considered an option - why punish yourself for their misdeeds ? See a counsellor at least, for a proper assessment, and if, for instance, you have been developing a depression, start proper treatment for that with the aid of a shrink, and plan how to move towards a future that can be happy for you, and let your parents seek their own, independent, happiness

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/08/08

You are 26!!! Move out of their house. You have your own life. Stop feeling guilty.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/07

I wonder why, aged 26, you still ALLOW her to be so controlling ? Maybe, as you suggest, she is trying to prevent a repeat of whatever went so wrong with her relationship with your older sibs, but, as often happens, she may in fact be making it more likely to occur.
Is there no possibility for you to move out and live your own life by your own rules ? You must not allow yourself to allow them to make you feel guilty. It is their responsibility if they encourage their children to abandon them. And they should not expect you to distort your own life in order to make up for their errors.
Suicide should not at all be considered an option - why punish yourself for their misdeeds ? See a counsellor at least, for a proper assessment, and if, for instance, you have been developing a depression, start proper treatment for that with the aid of a shrink, and plan how to move towards a future that can be happy for you, and let your parents seek their own, independent, happiness

Reply to cybershrink

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