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Question
Posted by: Thea | 2010-07-29

lonely

I have a big problem making friends and communicating with people. The only friends i ever had was my neighbours i grew up with that i was able to be myself around. I find it very hard being myself around people i don''t know that long and it takes me long to get use to people. I had this problem all my life. I always felt left out at school, church and even now in my adult life at work. Im always alone and only have one close friend which is the one of my friends that i grew up with as a child. I am a quiet person but at times can also be a real chatterbox. i am a fun, generous person with huge sense of humour and i''m very outgoing. I just don''t understand it. It always seems that no one wants to be around me and sometimes feels like some people try to avoid me. And whenever people want to chat or get close to me it''s like I push them away coz in my mind i think that everbody don''t want to be around me. I think it''s because i like my ''alone time'' and don''t always want to be bothered by others. But sometimes it gets real lonely and i don''t know what''s wrong with me or how i can fix it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sounds very like a similar message about loneliness posted yesterday, which I have just responded to. To the extent that one doesn't feel the need to be around people, that is a personal choice, and need not be a problem. To the extent that one really wants to be with people, but feels inhibited and uncomfortable when you do get into social situations, that may be a form of social anxiety disorder, which, fortunately, can respond very well to relatively brief therapy of the Cognitive-Behaviour Disorder form ( CBT ) and also some medications also used for depression, can help, as well.
best to see a good local shrink for assessment and a discussion of your treatment options.
You sound like a really nice person - if at times other people feel uneasy in your presence, it may well be that they sense YOUR unease and discomfort. So you describe pushing people away when they try to get near you, assuming that they don't want to know you - of course if they didn't want to know you, they wouldn't approach you in the first place - maybe you want to push them away before they push you away, falsely assuming that they would want to do so. CBT beckons !

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Linus | 2010-07-29

Thea - you could also be a good candidate for Aspergers Syndrome  have a look into it...

Reply to Linus
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-07-29

This sounds very like a similar message about loneliness posted yesterday, which I have just responded to. To the extent that one doesn't feel the need to be around people, that is a personal choice, and need not be a problem. To the extent that one really wants to be with people, but feels inhibited and uncomfortable when you do get into social situations, that may be a form of social anxiety disorder, which, fortunately, can respond very well to relatively brief therapy of the Cognitive-Behaviour Disorder form ( CBT ) and also some medications also used for depression, can help, as well.
best to see a good local shrink for assessment and a discussion of your treatment options.
You sound like a really nice person - if at times other people feel uneasy in your presence, it may well be that they sense YOUR unease and discomfort. So you describe pushing people away when they try to get near you, assuming that they don't want to know you - of course if they didn't want to know you, they wouldn't approach you in the first place - maybe you want to push them away before they push you away, falsely assuming that they would want to do so. CBT beckons !

Reply to cybershrink

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