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Question
Posted by: Katleho | 2010/03/11

Living with Parents

It so happened that I had to return home and stay with my parents after hubby passed on, I am 34 yrs, was used to be independant. (financial difficulties). The current situation is problematic, my parents stopped talking to me, the reason behind is that, I arrive home in the morning hours. I attend two functions and arrived home around 3 o clock in the morning. Until today its bad, my question is is it really a bad thing or totally unacceptable, I am a very out going person with colleagues and friends, now I feel like I am been treated unfairly. Maybe I am wrong as well.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not, in itself a bad thing, or at all unacceptable. Sometimes parents who just about accept the idea of you being an independent adult whenyou move out of the family home and fend for yourself, forget that if you return, for however good a reason, and start to think of you again as their child, to be protected and get to bed early. Now, you can sit calmly and discuss this with them and explain that some of these presumably work-related functions do last until late, and that you'll try to get home as early as seems sensible, and don't want them to worry as you can take care of yourself. And maybe try not to let any of them last until 3 am ! After midnight, it's hardly work-related any more !
As em points out where it;s their house, you need to be prepared to respect their rules, maybe negotiating exceptions where needed. And as em says, it you reall are in financial dificulties, staying out late drinking, etc., is costly, and maybe something you should not afford to do

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Tso | 2010/03/11

Katleho I am not trying to be judgemental or anything but remember IT IS THEIR HOUSE AND THEIR RULES for as long as you are still under their roof you will always be a baby to them.
Please respect them or move out

Reply to Tso
Posted by: em | 2010/03/11

Their house, their rules. Sorry to be blunt but that''s the way it is. Apologise and hope they move on. Remember, it''s not just YOUR life that''s been thrown upside down: their has too. They now need to adjust to you being back home &  possibly interrupting their sleep &  peace of mind.
I live with my parents and respect their rules and preferences, just as I would if I lived with flatmates or a partner. If I go out in the evening, I make sure if I have to come home late I make as little noise as possible.

I''d suggest discussing it with them and try to come to a compromise, like: you go out on fridays and not during the week. If you''re financially struggling you shouldn''t really be wasting money on going out anyway. Stay home and heal from your husband''s passing. Be sociable during the day.

Reply to em
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/11

Its not, in itself a bad thing, or at all unacceptable. Sometimes parents who just about accept the idea of you being an independent adult whenyou move out of the family home and fend for yourself, forget that if you return, for however good a reason, and start to think of you again as their child, to be protected and get to bed early. Now, you can sit calmly and discuss this with them and explain that some of these presumably work-related functions do last until late, and that you'll try to get home as early as seems sensible, and don't want them to worry as you can take care of yourself. And maybe try not to let any of them last until 3 am ! After midnight, it's hardly work-related any more !
As em points out where it;s their house, you need to be prepared to respect their rules, maybe negotiating exceptions where needed. And as em says, it you reall are in financial dificulties, staying out late drinking, etc., is costly, and maybe something you should not afford to do

Reply to cybershrink

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