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Question
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/09/27

Living together 8 years-no contract/will

Hi Dear CS

We have a very good relationship. Here are the facts.

He will NEVER marry again
We have both seen the same lawyer to set up new wills.
Everything I owns goes into a trust for my daughter
Everything he owns goes into a trust for his kids
They are all below 16
We buy everything 50/50 including building onto the house
He owns the house. He owns his business.

He refuses to put me in his will. I do not want anything except to be able to stay in the house. He says its his children''s home.

NOW if i was their mother (he has custody but works long hours so i have raised them) or his wife i would automatically have been " allowed"  to stay in the house. Because i am his ...." wench" ? " houvrou"  - so many names i can think of i get nothing? i am out on the street?

He is prepared to make a list that we both agree should we break up he would pay me out cash for my share of the furniture etc that i''ve paid but that''s about all.

We really are at a good place and talking about this is so terrible.

I feel its unfair and he just won''t discuss it. He once said what if he say''s i can stay and one of the kids want the house with his wife where does that put us.

Do i just leave it and accept it? Its so unfair as if i was the mother or his wife he''s not do this to me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't really need me to tell you this isn't the wisest of arrangements ! Writing a will, for each of you, is eminently sensible.
He could put in his will that you are allowed to stay on in the house, maybe rent-free, maybe paying a specified rent, for as long as you wish - which gives you the USE of it, but could leave the house itself, after you leave it, to his kids.
That he refuses to discuss this suggests he knows it is unfair, but doesn't want to admit that or face changing it.
In a married couple, what you need would be a usual arrangement ; and in ordinary families, depending on the size of the house, it wouldn't be odd to leave the house for the wife to stay in for life, and then to the kids, and to expect at least one of the kids to be able to remain in the house with the mother.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Just saying | 2012/10/01

I''m just wondering if the " common-law wife"  part of the law does not fit here. Not exactly sure what it covers, and how it works, but I understand that it''s in place to protect people like you in situations like this. I''m sure Google will fill you in.

Reply to Just saying
Posted by: J. | 2012/09/28

So you pay 50% of alterations on HIS house and you get nothing? That is not fair and you shouldnt allow it. Think about it financially, dont bring in emotions.

If it is HIS house, let HIM pay for alterations to the physical building. If he insists you contribute (and he should, you live there), pay rent (it will work out cheaper) and save the rest for your children in a fund or for a future investment. You will be amazed at how much you will save. Furniture can be 50/50 but insist on drawing up the list, or him paying you out a certain amount. Rates and the rest, well it is his house, his baby.

Seems he gets all the benefits and you get the short end of the stick, take control back and keep your finances seperate. What yours is yours, what is his, is his.


Reply to J.
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/27

You don't really need me to tell you this isn't the wisest of arrangements ! Writing a will, for each of you, is eminently sensible.
He could put in his will that you are allowed to stay on in the house, maybe rent-free, maybe paying a specified rent, for as long as you wish - which gives you the USE of it, but could leave the house itself, after you leave it, to his kids.
That he refuses to discuss this suggests he knows it is unfair, but doesn't want to admit that or face changing it.
In a married couple, what you need would be a usual arrangement ; and in ordinary families, depending on the size of the house, it wouldn't be odd to leave the house for the wife to stay in for life, and then to the kids, and to expect at least one of the kids to be able to remain in the house with the mother.

Reply to cybershrink

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