Our expert says:
You don't really need me to tell you this isn't the wisest of arrangements ! Writing a will, for each of you, is eminently sensible.
He could put in his will that you are allowed to stay on in the house, maybe rent-free, maybe paying a specified rent, for as long as you wish - which gives you the USE of it, but could leave the house itself, after you leave it, to his kids.
That he refuses to discuss this suggests he knows it is unfair, but doesn't want to admit that or face changing it.
In a married couple, what you need would be a usual arrangement ; and in ordinary families, depending on the size of the house, it wouldn't be odd to leave the house for the wife to stay in for life, and then to the kids, and to expect at least one of the kids to be able to remain in the house with the mother.
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