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Question
Posted by: JC | 2010/04/22

Little Sister

My heart is breaking for my younger sister because I know what this feels like.
This is her first year in high school. She is such a quiet yet loving person. She is constantly coming home crying because girls are being emotionally abusive towards her and when she does make friends, they eventually kick her out of the group and she sits on her own. I want to know how I should go about advising her on what to do. I really want to help her because now she is begging to be home schooled.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It can be agony at that age, when you so badly want to belong, and the ugly Queens of the school pick and choose and enjoy the sense of power they get from being cruel to the more desperate kids.
Its worth bearing in mind that most of those "popular" girls go on to lead useless and miserable lives, while the quiet, genuine ones like your sister, take time to blossom but go on to lead far more fruitful lives than those who get so spoiled by popularity early on.
Home schoolingis usuall not a good idea, as it encourages her to lack self-confidence and to be socially awkward and isolated. Rather arrange for her to see a counsellor to work through these issues, and she can maybe better find friends among the other girls the smug kids at the top reject, who will be more genuine and lasting and valuable friends anyway

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Kay | 2010/04/27

There is one advantage of being the quite one sitting alone.... It was the same with me when I was a teen, never invited to parties, sidelined, ignored and all the rest. I became very introverted, BUT, years later as an adult, I see the same happening to my teenage son and what I tell him is being the quite one protected me from peer pressure. While the other girls were losing their virginities and self respect, smoking and boozing at parties cause it was supposedly cool, doing bad in tests, I was not exposed to any of that and turned out more successful than any of those popular losers with fake friends. I''m glad my son is relatively " safe"  and i have encouraged him to chose a hobby and excell at it, and in that group find likeminded friends. He is much happier now.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Tandy | 2010/04/22

One of the things to get friends is Good Marks tell her to study very hard and participate in the class.

Reply to Tandy
Posted by: jane | 2010/04/22

hi

ag thats so sad ,having a sister is the best thing that could happen to anyone,and i can only imagone how you feeling but be honest to her and tell her to just contnue being herslef and if it means sitting alone then she will have to bear it,u can run away from reality ,and the reality is this thier are always going to be mean,better,smarter,eveil people out thier are we cant always run from that ,just be there for here and try and support her as much as possible i know its easier said then done but unfortunately thats the only way.

Reply to jane
Posted by: jane | 2010/04/22

hi

ag thats so sad ,having a sister is the best thing that could happen to anyone,and i can only imagone how you feeling but be honest to her and tell her to just contnue being herslef and if it means sitting alone then she will have to bear it,u can run away from reality ,and the reality is this thier are always going to be mean,better,smarter,eveil people out thier are we cant always run from that ,just be there for here and try and support her as much as possible i know its easier said then done but unfortunately thats the only way.

Reply to jane
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/04/22

I was watching this programme on tv about a research on what does it take to be popular at school. The results showed that looking good (dressing up &  doing hair nicely) contributed a lot towards popularity. Its all about being cool when one is growing up. Its such an unfair environment!

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/22

It can be agony at that age, when you so badly want to belong, and the ugly Queens of the school pick and choose and enjoy the sense of power they get from being cruel to the more desperate kids.
Its worth bearing in mind that most of those "popular" girls go on to lead useless and miserable lives, while the quiet, genuine ones like your sister, take time to blossom but go on to lead far more fruitful lives than those who get so spoiled by popularity early on.
Home schoolingis usuall not a good idea, as it encourages her to lack self-confidence and to be socially awkward and isolated. Rather arrange for her to see a counsellor to work through these issues, and she can maybe better find friends among the other girls the smug kids at the top reject, who will be more genuine and lasting and valuable friends anyway

Reply to cybershrink

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