Our expert says:
She sounds like a horribly spoiled brat, specializing in looking cute when this is rewarding for her.
Sit down calmly with your bf and explain that you see this child the way most normal people would, as a nasty spoiled brat, and genuinely don't like meeting her at all. And the relationship you want to have is with him, not with his niece. The horrible behaviour you describe SHOULD worry them, a lot, and there's something wrong with the family that they put up with this. Think carefully about whether you want to get involved with such a dysfunctional family.
I disagree with Sunny - this is NOT how any normal 4 year-old behaves, with proper discipline in the home. Nene has discovered this, and how to provide the child with needed structure. NOT disciplining a child is a form of child abuse. I disagree, too, with Mother of 4 year old - whe the child is in your presence, her bad behaviour IS your business. Only when alone in its own home or with its incompetent mother, is the child's behaviour their business.
As Purple mentions, very simple and well-tested methods can bring this bad behaviour under control. In your home, she must keep to your rules. And giving attention only when she behaves well, is part of a useful response
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