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Question
Posted by: Leandra | 2010/09/16

Like father like daughter

Hi CS

I am concerned that my daughter aged 29 will become an alcaholic like her father. She drinks far too much and much too often. I divorced her father after 20 years of marriage because of his drinking and I get a really bad feeling when I see my daughter drinking as well. I don''t know what to do she is a grown, working, woman and married. Also she has double standards: she does not like her husband to get drunk, but she can? I feel so helpless, I know she will deny that she is drinking too much, just like her father does.
I want to keep my distance from her, but she is my daughter, I am so torn by this. I get so angrey because she does not look after her health especially since she has Fibromyalgia and she is always looking for sympathy when she is in pain. I am running out of sympathy for her I am sorry to say. Do I give her the cold shoulder? Talking to her does not help. She is so much like her father it is scary.

I am sorry this is so long, I am just a very upset mother who has no one to talk to about this.
Thank you for your time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Alcoholism isn't inevitably inherited, but the risk of devloping alcoholism or substance abuse is higher if a parent or other family members are already thus affected.
Alcoholics and problem drinkers, also, often do have double standards, exempting themsevles from what they expect from others.
Heavy drinking, whether or not technically alcoholic, also promotes depression, which in turn amplifies pain from whatever cause, and undermines treatments for pain or depression.
I wish there was a simple way for you to help her, but truly, unless and until a problem drinker recognizes that there is a problem, and sincerely wants to fix it, they really can't be effectively helped. You can aim to be there to be helpful when she does recognize that she needs help. But until then, she may dismiss your advice, however good, as merely "nagging" and feel it enables her to deserve another drink.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Fiefie | 2010/09/16

There is a questionnaire that one can get from AA I think that lists 20 questions - and if you answer yes to a lot of them then you are a potential alcoholic. Maybe give her that - she might get a wake up call. Also your local AA group might be able to help. Also Alanon.

Reply to Fiefie
Posted by: simone | 2010/09/16

No,He does.God doesn s say only YES or NO.Sometimes He says WAIT A LITTLE.

Reply to simone
Posted by: Leandra | 2010/09/16

Unfortunately, God is not answering my prayers......

Reply to Leandra
Posted by: simone | 2010/09/16

Pray to God.what else can u do.

Reply to simone
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/16

Alcoholism isn't inevitably inherited, but the risk of devloping alcoholism or substance abuse is higher if a parent or other family members are already thus affected.
Alcoholics and problem drinkers, also, often do have double standards, exempting themsevles from what they expect from others.
Heavy drinking, whether or not technically alcoholic, also promotes depression, which in turn amplifies pain from whatever cause, and undermines treatments for pain or depression.
I wish there was a simple way for you to help her, but truly, unless and until a problem drinker recognizes that there is a problem, and sincerely wants to fix it, they really can't be effectively helped. You can aim to be there to be helpful when she does recognize that she needs help. But until then, she may dismiss your advice, however good, as merely "nagging" and feel it enables her to deserve another drink.

Reply to cybershrink

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