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Question
Posted by: Hurt | 2011/02/11

lifted his hands for me

I would like to know how do i get my 13 year old to open up to me. Am divorced from his dad for 8 years.
Yesterday i gave him a hiding and he turned around and hit me.
How do i deal with this please help.
I love my son very much and dont want him going the wrong way.

Regards
Heartbroken Mum

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi there,

Sometimes a young person finds it difficult to speak to their parents and so you may find that he will open up more readily either to another family member or a family friend. If he has no contact with his father you may want to think about an adult male who he might speak to. Many young people and especially boys find it difficult to speak about emotional issues in the early teens. With the onset of puberty arrives a lot of emotional and physical turmoil and the hormonal changes can cause a surge of aggression in teens.

Hitting a child is teaching them that when you get angry its ok to hit people, so if you hink about it in those terms its not surprising he hit you back. Different types of disciplining take longer than hitting, but they are more effective as well as preserving your relationship with him.

If family or friends are not able to help I would suggest you consider consutling a psychologist who specialises in adolescents for an assessment. If your son refuses, it would still be useful for you to meet with them.

Best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2011/03/22

The Bible tells you to discipline your child and by giving them a hiding.If he keeps lifting his hands to you,get a restraining order against him to show him you are serious.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Chris | 2011/02/16

As hy nou al aan jou slaan gaan dit net erger raak, vat n lang plank en moer hom goed.

Reply to Chris
Posted by: mom | 2011/02/14

13 years old and he hit you??My son is 15 and respects me so much, but it''s because i respect him in the same way, i dont believe in spanking or hitting because my mother used to hit me since i was was little untill i got married and moved out of the house. i once hit my boy when he was 10(out of frustration) and i felt so so so bad afterwards, i made a promise to him and myself that i would never ever do that again, i apoligized to him, and until this day i never did it again,sometimes things he does makes me so angry but i''d rather take away his phone or games or would not let him go out to schoolfunctions as punnishment. I firmly told him that as long as he lives under my roof he should obey my rules, if he does not want to, he is free to go stay with his friends or father or who ever. I know it''s wrong to tell him that, because i sometimes think what if he really does decide to go,but i''ll cross that bridge when i get there, i think the key is comunication, i regularly tell him how much i love him and how proud i am of him and praise him for good achievements and behaviour but i alse tell him how certain behaviour of him makes me feel and why i react in a certain way, but still i respect him as my child and i tell him that i need to be respected as a mother.

Reply to mom
Posted by: Teen expert | 2011/02/14

Hi there,

Sometimes a young person finds it difficult to speak to their parents and so you may find that he will open up more readily either to another family member or a family friend. If he has no contact with his father you may want to think about an adult male who he might speak to. Many young people and especially boys find it difficult to speak about emotional issues in the early teens. With the onset of puberty arrives a lot of emotional and physical turmoil and the hormonal changes can cause a surge of aggression in teens.

Hitting a child is teaching them that when you get angry its ok to hit people, so if you hink about it in those terms its not surprising he hit you back. Different types of disciplining take longer than hitting, but they are more effective as well as preserving your relationship with him.

If family or friends are not able to help I would suggest you consider consutling a psychologist who specialises in adolescents for an assessment. If your son refuses, it would still be useful for you to meet with them.

Best wishes

Reply to Teen expert

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