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Question
Posted by: End of the road | 2011/05/21

life so messed up

I have been dating a girl who reports to me for three years.I have asked my parents to marry her but they refused as we are from different religions.I was told to stop the relationship by my parents however i continued.She became pregnant and had a miscarriage last week,however by some miracle she is pregnant again as we has sex the week before. She is forcing me to tell my parents,but i am so scared i am going to hurt them and wont be able to live with that. To make things worst over the last year we my girlfriend and i continuosly fight. This week alone she threatened me and swore me so badly and i dont know how long i can go on. To make things even more worse i think i am going to lose my job because of the affair as one of her friends is blackmailing her and knows about the affair. I am so empty, cryin and cant sleep.Where to and what do i do.I really need help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whichever religion you and the woman believe in, getting her pregnant before marriage is surely not approved of in either of them. You were not forced to get her pregnant. You should either have stood up to your parents and insisted that you loved her and WOULD marry her ; or face the fact that you have chosen to defer to your parents and ended the relationship. You tried to have it both ways, and as so often happens, managed to get it neither way.
But here is an unmarried woman you made pregnant, and you are more worried about upsetting your rigid parents than caring for the woman you say you love, and for the child ?
After one avoidable pregnancy ended in a miscariage, you continued to have sex with her, apparently without proper contraception, and now she is pregnant again ? Don't you learn from experience ?
You say you "can't live" with upsetting your parents, but apparently you CAn live with deeply hurting the woman you say you love, and your unborn child ?
Maybe a counsellor could help you to see what your moral duties are to this woman and child, and to make the right decisions and do the right things. And to be a man and face your real responsibilities, which are not to protect your parents' feelings by false pretenses. Otherwise, you are running into highly predictable consequences of thoughtless actions you repeatedly indulged in.
This was apparently also an unwise relationship with someone at work who is junior to you, so he could probably very justifiably take action against your for sexual harassment or otherwise unprofessional conduct.
Grow up, and practice being a real man. That requires much more than mere sex

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: hestia | 2011/05/23

I am not so sure that she is pregant. Either she never lost the baby or she is not pregnant now. Go to the doc with her. If she is not pregnant make sure that this is the route you want to take in the future.

Reply to hestia
Posted by: Romany | 2011/05/23

" She became pregnant and had a miscarriage last week,however by some miracle she is pregnant again as we has sex the week before" 

I don''t think so... something is weierd here. After a miscararige a D& C id done. This cleans out the womb completely, so... no, this is not possible.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Tiffy | 2011/05/22

you could have avoided a lot of your sorrows if you communicated to your parents clearly, and decided after discussing with them whehter you still want to have a relationship with the girl.. Why have sex first (knowing the dangerous implicatations) before clarifying what your intentions and feelings are?? Weird. You should make decisions with the head on your shoulders, not the one in the loins!!

Reply to Tiffy
Posted by: Harsh | 2011/05/21

You seriously need to get help from a professional therapist to help u grow up.
Why are you having unprotected sex with someone you are not getting on with?
A real man would only date someone who had the potential to make a future together.
A real man would not need his parents permission to marry and would not be more scared of their reactions than the future of his unborn child.
A real man would face up to his responsibilities.

Reply to Harsh
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/21

Whichever religion you and the woman believe in, getting her pregnant before marriage is surely not approved of in either of them. You were not forced to get her pregnant. You should either have stood up to your parents and insisted that you loved her and WOULD marry her ; or face the fact that you have chosen to defer to your parents and ended the relationship. You tried to have it both ways, and as so often happens, managed to get it neither way.
But here is an unmarried woman you made pregnant, and you are more worried about upsetting your rigid parents than caring for the woman you say you love, and for the child ?
After one avoidable pregnancy ended in a miscariage, you continued to have sex with her, apparently without proper contraception, and now she is pregnant again ? Don't you learn from experience ?
You say you "can't live" with upsetting your parents, but apparently you CAn live with deeply hurting the woman you say you love, and your unborn child ?
Maybe a counsellor could help you to see what your moral duties are to this woman and child, and to make the right decisions and do the right things. And to be a man and face your real responsibilities, which are not to protect your parents' feelings by false pretenses. Otherwise, you are running into highly predictable consequences of thoughtless actions you repeatedly indulged in.
This was apparently also an unwise relationship with someone at work who is junior to you, so he could probably very justifiably take action against your for sexual harassment or otherwise unprofessional conduct.
Grow up, and practice being a real man. That requires much more than mere sex

Reply to cybershrink

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