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Question
Posted by: Christine | 2011-06-28

Life partner not interested in sex :-/

Hello
Myself and my partner are in our early 40''s. It seems that he has lost his sex drive ... for the past 6 - 9 months i initiate it .. and it always feels like he is doing me a favour ....

We hardly have sex 2 - 3 times a month. is our sex drive suppose to die down as we get older?
Is he not interested anymore ?

Do I mention it tp him - without him feeling he is being accussed?
I''m a little stuck on what to do - if i do mention it to him .. will i feel that he is only having sex to please me again ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Christine,

You raise a number of questions in your posting and it is difficult to give you a global answer so I will deal with each part individually.

As we grow older our bodies do undergo changes and these changes do impact on our sexuality and this does result in us needing to adapt our sexual activities to these changes to continue experiencing pleasure and satisfaction sexually.

One of the factors that impact on men over 40 is the recent research that found significant drop in testosterone levels in men over 40 and it is advised that men have their testosterone levels checked as part of their yearly medical. Low levels of testosterone does impact on sex drive for men.

So no your sex drive is not "supposed to die down" as you grow older, but it does undergo changes.

Whether he is not interested anymore cannot be answered by me. Only your partner will know that.

As for what to do about this I would suggest that you do need to raise it with him to ensure the possibility of dealing with it. What is important is how you raise it. An approach where you let him know that you are concerned about your sex life as a couple because you would like him and you to enjoy intimate, satisfying, pleasureable and fun sex as you grow older together may be received more positively. Normalise that you are both growing older and that you may need to make some changes to ensure that you can continue to have a healthy sex life as you continue on your relationship journey ahead could set the stage for the discussion.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Christine | 2011-07-01

WOW ... thank you all for you comments ... some are funny and did put a smile on m face ....
And yes he is a bit stressed .. he has his own biz.
And yes i am looking after myself - i put a lot of effort into it ... and i get picked up almost on a weekly basis at work ... it does my ego well ... but i would never cheat or have someone on the side :-)

so thank you will look into the health issue ... and will try some things new and see what he responds to - he always seems so conservative so i don t want him to think .. oh my goodness what is she into now ... haa haa
but will give it a bash.

And for what its worth - i really don t think if a man has a hi sex drive or a low one determines whether he is intellegent or not.

I believe that sex is a beautiful ting between two people and its not warped or stupid.

thank you all once again and have a afabulous weekend :-)

Reply to Christine
Posted by: sexologist | 2011-06-29

Dear Christine,

You raise a number of questions in your posting and it is difficult to give you a global answer so I will deal with each part individually.

As we grow older our bodies do undergo changes and these changes do impact on our sexuality and this does result in us needing to adapt our sexual activities to these changes to continue experiencing pleasure and satisfaction sexually.

One of the factors that impact on men over 40 is the recent research that found significant drop in testosterone levels in men over 40 and it is advised that men have their testosterone levels checked as part of their yearly medical. Low levels of testosterone does impact on sex drive for men.

So no your sex drive is not "supposed to die down" as you grow older, but it does undergo changes.

Whether he is not interested anymore cannot be answered by me. Only your partner will know that.

As for what to do about this I would suggest that you do need to raise it with him to ensure the possibility of dealing with it. What is important is how you raise it. An approach where you let him know that you are concerned about your sex life as a couple because you would like him and you to enjoy intimate, satisfying, pleasureable and fun sex as you grow older together may be received more positively. Normalise that you are both growing older and that you may need to make some changes to ensure that you can continue to have a healthy sex life as you continue on your relationship journey ahead could set the stage for the discussion.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: GG | 2011-06-28

Let your hubby go see a GP to have hormone treatment.(Testosterone injections) Believe me within 3 weeks he will have the sex drive of a teenager again.

Reply to GG
Posted by: Manwood | 2011-06-28

Do you have a vibrator Christine?

Reply to Manwood
Posted by: To Anon | 2011-06-28

Yes, most men 40+ are really unstable and very stupid. You have that correct.

Reply to To Anon
Posted by: Laurei | 2011-06-28

Find ways of stimulating him more if you want to be intimate often. Try different things and see what gets him going. Also tell him you find him sexy and attractive etc. There is nothing wrong with wanting more intimacy especially since it creates a warmer bond and on a sub concious level, brings you closer.

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: Anon | 2011-06-28

If stable, intelligent men want less sex, then the majority of men out there, even the ones 40+ really unstable and very stupid.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: gugu | 2011-06-28

No, your case is not unusual. Men peak at around 18 and women in their 40''s. So men are prettymuch " done"  at that age. I
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex 2 or 3 times a month only.
In fact, I have read thatthe more stable and intelligent a man is, the less sex he requires.
If it bothers you, you should talk to him about it. I am sure there is a logical explanation.
And on the other hand, thank your lucky stars that he is not a pervert.

Reply to gugu
Posted by: XXX | 2011-06-28

Unfortunately we are all different when it comes to our libido and so many things can influence this,for example,stress and certain medications.
As a generalisation I think men want sex more often than women,so your case is a bit unusual.
Does he still find you attractive (to be blunt) ie do you look after yourself!
If he is overweight and/or a smoker,this could also be a possible problem area.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Charles | 2011-06-28

Does he have nay medical problems? Does he have a stressful life?

Reply to Charles

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