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Question
Posted by: stn | 2010-09-07

Life is getting harder

I am 30yrs,have an ok paying job (which I hate,as it''s not somthing I like doing,but it pays).I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8yrs now, we have plans of getting married but when we both get better paying jobs (lobola and trad wedding). we share a flat that leaves us depressed and angry every month because it is now costly,and i can not move back home because of the broken relationship between me and my family. Besides I wont even have a bed to sleep on should i go back. He just bought himself a new car,and my daughter just came back to live with us,so whatever extra cash we had is now going somewhere (car loan,school fees and extra groceries)
I am frustrated because I have experience to get a higher better paying position but dont have the qualification as yet (Im still studying),so i never get to make it to the shortlist. he is frustrated because he is very qualified but dont have the experience so the same happens with him. We are 2 young ppl,we have the love,and the desire to be together but the stress is getting to us so bad that,one time he exploded and just let rip. telling me how much he resents all the extra expenses and always taking care of me. so i had to take my daughter to live with my parents,which is now worse because i have to support the whole family.
we love each other very much,we are happy together and we plan on starting our own family as soon as we get married. we dont have problems to do with the relationship,its all just financial issues and work.
We both have had deciplinary hearings at our work because we miss work al lot,because of stress.
we are both emotionaly and spiritually exhasted, we have tried leaning on each other for strenght but that also has drained us.
Please help,what do we do in this situtaion.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

These phases in life can indeed be very frustrating - maybe more so these days when it seems as though it ought to be possible ( when I was younger, for many years I had to rely on public transport, live in a one-room flat, and so on - but nobody expected things to be better than that ).
Doesn't your bf recognize that if he really loves you, that needs to include loving your daughter ? If between you, you can't afford to support her, its not yet time to start a family between you.
Maybe a counsellor could help you each cope better with the stress - the problems at work will only make the stress worse and harder to cope with.
It sounds as though you feel your family are not available to advise or give emotional support - what of his family ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-07

These phases in life can indeed be very frustrating - maybe more so these days when it seems as though it ought to be possible ( when I was younger, for many years I had to rely on public transport, live in a one-room flat, and so on - but nobody expected things to be better than that ).
Doesn't your bf recognize that if he really loves you, that needs to include loving your daughter ? If between you, you can't afford to support her, its not yet time to start a family between you.
Maybe a counsellor could help you each cope better with the stress - the problems at work will only make the stress worse and harder to cope with.
It sounds as though you feel your family are not available to advise or give emotional support - what of his family ?

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