Have you tried pilates? It sounds like the problem is caused by movement, and maybe with a bit of Pilates, you'll get the stability and the control back. And then be able to move onto those exercises. I would imagine that after surgery that would damage some nerve/muscle, one of the most important things to get back is that ability to activate the muscle. So not only is the muscle weak, it's also that you can't activate it fully.
So I'd try pilates. If you can't do that, then I think you probably need to find out whether this is a normal thing this long after surgery. I can't answer that one, but it might be that it takes 4 to 6 months, I'm not sure.
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