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Question
Posted by: CURIOUS | 2011/02/03

LIARS

Im just curious cybershrink. Why are there people that are impulsive liars. They lie about EVERYTHING. Is it because they cant differ between the real world and their " own"  imaginary world or because they are jealous or because they just want attention? This one person i met has been spreading lies about me that are REALLY not true and i can''t help but being shocked at that kind of behaviour. This is not the first time i have met someone like this. Maybe if i understand why they do this i won''t get so angry over this type of behaviour anymore? Please help me understand. (PS: this person was really admiring me and gave me lots of compliments everytime she saw me but then just turned around one day and started lying about everything)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Turn the question around, and ask why do most of us not lie most of the time. That's also a very interesting question.
We value truth and sincerity - your liar doesn't. We recognize the difficulties of lying ( it's hard to remember which lies you told to who ; and when discovered, nobody can trust anything you say - remember the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf ? )
There are diferences. People who lie about themselves usually try to make themselves look better and more interesting than they are, and don't actually feel good about themselves. The person who tells malicious lies about you, may have various reasons for wanting to hurt you.
The person yopu describe may indeed feel jealous of you - and inferior in herself, and not able to compete or compare in a more natural way.
And some liars lie about everything, whether or not they're bound to be found out, and can actually get themselves into situations where they're no longer sure of what's true
As Liza points out many liars don't feel guilty and don't really see it as being wrong.
Notice in the example Liza quotes - when someone just laughs at the tall story, that liar gets quiet - not taking them seriously, NOT getting upset or angry, usually spoils their fun.
And I rather doubt that you're the only person she lies about - so there may be a growing band of people who know what she is and treat her lies with the contempt they deserve

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: RolePlayer | 2011/02/04

Why do you ask stupid questions and expect a decent answer from anyone who visits here?

Lies work, they do their job when they are needed and they prolong the truth. because trust me theres no amount of help that could save you from knowing the truth, as sweet as it may be in the end i am afraid it would have murdered you on the journey long before you reach it.

Unless your brave!

Are you brave?

HOW BRAVE?

Reply to RolePlayer
Posted by: CURIOUS | 2011/02/03

Thanks for the comment Liza and i find it very helpfull. I totally agree with you that the biggest problem isn''t the lie itself but the part where other people who doesnt really know this person believe it. This women has already caused problems between me and other people and me and my partner already lost a friend because of her lies. I guess one day the people who believe these lies will find out the truth ....... eventually! The only thing i can do now is block her completely out of my life...which i did

Reply to CURIOUS
Posted by: Liza | 2011/02/03

I think it depends on the person. Some might do it for attention, some might do it to increase their low self-esteem, some do it because they compulsively need to make a story seem better than what it actually is.

My mother is a compulsive liar. She lies about absolutely everything. In her case, she''s a sociopath. She never seems to feel guilty about anything and catching her out in a lie just makes her insist that everyone else is lying and that her lies are the truth. The only way for me to cope with this is to disbelieve every single word she says - or to at least take her stories with a tablespoon of salt (a pinch just isn''t enough). Some of her stories are actually very amusing - especially the whoppers that are so obviously not true. When I burst out laughing after one of these, it makes her go all quiet - which reduces the number of lies she tells...

The biggest problem is when other people believe the lies. It seems that the rest of my family just haven''t caught on yet - or don''t want to upset the applecart cause Mom is just so darn useful. Mom babysits, Mom always offers to help out with housework/ironing etc - for free (but then complains to everyone else that she''s being abused). I''ve perfected the amused/disbelieving grunt/laugh. I use it whenever someone else retells her lies as truth. It works ten times better than trying to deny her lies...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Trace | 2011/02/03

She obviously has insecurities about herself, Shame ignore her. I know how you feel and it really hurts when people are like this, but there is absolutely nothing you can do about what people say about you.

Reply to Trace
Posted by: anon | 2011/02/03

It is a lying disorder ......the treatment is to beat the crap out of em

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/03

Turn the question around, and ask why do most of us not lie most of the time. That's also a very interesting question.
We value truth and sincerity - your liar doesn't. We recognize the difficulties of lying ( it's hard to remember which lies you told to who ; and when discovered, nobody can trust anything you say - remember the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf ? )
There are diferences. People who lie about themselves usually try to make themselves look better and more interesting than they are, and don't actually feel good about themselves. The person who tells malicious lies about you, may have various reasons for wanting to hurt you.
The person yopu describe may indeed feel jealous of you - and inferior in herself, and not able to compete or compare in a more natural way.
And some liars lie about everything, whether or not they're bound to be found out, and can actually get themselves into situations where they're no longer sure of what's true
As Liza points out many liars don't feel guilty and don't really see it as being wrong.
Notice in the example Liza quotes - when someone just laughs at the tall story, that liar gets quiet - not taking them seriously, NOT getting upset or angry, usually spoils their fun.
And I rather doubt that you're the only person she lies about - so there may be a growing band of people who know what she is and treat her lies with the contempt they deserve

Reply to cybershrink

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