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Question
Posted by: Linda | 2010/02/04

leuns

My man het toesig gekry oor sy 3 kinder uit sy vorige huwelik, ons het 1 kind saam. Sy jongste seun was 2 en n half jaar oud toe ek hulle leer ken het. Ek ken nie hulle ma nie, maar wat ek veral by ander vriende gehoor het het sy gesteel en vreeslik gejok. Sy is nie deel van die kinders se lewe nie uit haar eie wil. Ek is lief vir hulle soos n gewone ma en ons is n gewone gesin. My probleem is die oudste seun (23) Leef ook in sy eie droom wê reld en jok bakie oor dom dinge. Ek het die jongste seun by n sielkundige gehad toe hy so 8 jaar oud was omdat hy gesteel het. Hy het by ons goed gesteel en nie in die winkels nie. Dit het goed gegaan tot nou toe. Hy is nou 15. Geld raak nou weer weg en hy was bv. die eenste een in die omgewing. Wat my amper meer pla is dat hy begin ook leuns vertel oor dom goed. Bv. sy pa het hom Vrydag 3 uur by n klub gaan haal Hy vertel die leuns aan mense wat hy nie nodig het om by te oordryf nie . Ek sal graag wil weet hoe om hulle albei te help, maar kan op die stadium nie n sielkundige bekostig nie. My ander vraag is is dit nie dalk n gene ding nie, ek het nog altyd gedink dit is nie so nie, maar die 2 seuns jok soos hulle ma en die dogter is net so jaloers soos sy. Ek is baie lief vir die kinders en hulle het my aanvaar as hulle enigste ma.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wrote such a nice reply for you, and then clicked to post it - and it disappeared !
Her's a summary. We are influenced both by genetics / inheritance, and by upbringing and our environment. So they may have inherited some aspects of their mother's personality, but also, presumably, were exposed for some years to her behaviour, which she probably implied was OK.
As the boy seems to be showing a return to previous patterns of bad behaviour, which responded well then to seeing a shrink, a return visit would be a good idea. If you can't afford a visit to a shrink, how could he afford to be in a clun all that time ? Or even to
Meanwhile, you don't mention any sort of disciplinary system in the home. YOu and the father should draw up a code of conduct and rules, and a set of predictable consequences for breaking the rules. What for instance, happened to the kid who went clubbing till 3 am ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: linda | 2010/02/05

Thanks for your help. That' s the sat part he was at home so way lay about it

Reply to linda
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/04

I wrote such a nice reply for you, and then clicked to post it - and it disappeared !
Her's a summary. We are influenced both by genetics / inheritance, and by upbringing and our environment. So they may have inherited some aspects of their mother's personality, but also, presumably, were exposed for some years to her behaviour, which she probably implied was OK.
As the boy seems to be showing a return to previous patterns of bad behaviour, which responded well then to seeing a shrink, a return visit would be a good idea. If you can't afford a visit to a shrink, how could he afford to be in a clun all that time ? Or even to
Meanwhile, you don't mention any sort of disciplinary system in the home. YOu and the father should draw up a code of conduct and rules, and a set of predictable consequences for breaking the rules. What for instance, happened to the kid who went clubbing till 3 am ?

Reply to cybershrink

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