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Posted by: KERRY | 2011/01/26

LETTING GO

me and my long term bf split, it was his choice. even thou he was a crappy boyfriend i knew he was but i couldnt seem to do it my self even thou i thought about it. now hes done it im devested and acting like bridget jones :) i feel my number one problem is im possessive of what is mine, i dont want him to love anyone else for someone to take my place in his life and family. i get anxiety attacks when i think about it. what do i do to get peace and move on. my mind tells me its for the best but i still long for him.

thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he was indeed a crappy boyfriend, the split caused you no loss. Sounds like it's related to possesiveness, like losing a possession you didn't like, but you simply object to it no longer being yours. You are breaking a bad habit, and this will get easier in time, especially if you see a good local counsellor to work out these illogical feelings

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Outsider | 2011/01/27

Kerry, put your emotions aside for a day. Sit down and think of what you want out of life, where would you like to see yourself in a year from now, and then in 5 years etc. Set up some long term goals and short term.

Find a nice photo of yourself and stick it on your fridge and maybe the things you would like to do and achieve, put pictures of good friends up and of a holiday destination etc. etc. maybe of one of your most favorite male actors and every day when you look at them it will be your constant reminder that life beyond what you are currently feeling is better and greater than what you have or have had.

You just have to let go and live, envision a stunning new boyfriend, a breathtaking holiday maybe in the future 2 beautiful children with a great husband and a stable home.

We all deserve the best - GO FIND OUT IT''S DEFFINATELY OUT THERE FOR THE TAKING!

Set your goals high and if you are strong enough you will certainly satisfy your needs.

Good Luck

Reply to Outsider
Posted by: Sweety | 2011/01/27

Yeah when he is not being nasty he is trying to pick women up .... LOL LOL sorry little man he is .... :) :)

Reply to Sweety
Posted by: me | 2011/01/26

Anon shut up!!! you comment rudely on everyones post.
There is something seriously wrong with you, jump of a bridge if you cant deal with your own issues but dont insult people actualy looking for help. GET A LIFE!

Reply to me
Posted by: Kim | 2011/01/26

At Stephanie - your are very strong girl, I will aim to be that mature... thank you

Reply to Kim
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/26

You can''t have your cake and eat it doll........

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/26

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Stephanie | 2011/01/26

I think it may be a normal reaction to feel as though he is still yours ... you will have to forget him and move on. It is so difficult, but you will eventually get through it. If he was such a crappy boyfriend it should be easier for you to forget him and move on. I found that thinking about all the nasty things my ex said and did to me made it easier to get over him .. when I found myself thinking of him, I would rather think of the bad things instead of the very few good things he did! If I missed him, I would think of the cursing and verbal abuse and how it made me feel and eventually I rarely thought of him and when I did it was to remind myself how lucky I was to get out of a relationship that was destroying me. You must remember that life carries on regardless of your situation ... he will eventually meet someone else and move on as you will. Don''t hang onto the past, let it go and carry on with your life. Don''t for one moment think that because he did not want you that no other man will be interested in you. Before you even consider getting involved again, look at yourself and what you could''ve done wrong in the relationship and try to improve on that. I have met someone else now and taking it very, very slowly. I know I also had a part in my previous relationship not working out ... I used to get irritated when he did not call or respond to sms, I became demanding and clingy and he hated that ... now I leave it up to my new " friend"  to contact me when he wants to. I will never make the same mistake again. I loved my ex so much and I was devastated when we broke up, but I realised that we were both at fault (his verbal abuse) and my demanding etc. and that unless we both made a concerted effort to change that it would not work out. I told him I would change and he said I must accept him as he is and I refused to do so. I suppose you get the gist of what I am trying to say here .... the end of your relationship might feel like the end of the world to you now, but in the long run you will be glad that you are no longer a part of his life. Be strong ... you will get through it!

Reply to Stephanie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/26

If he was indeed a crappy boyfriend, the split caused you no loss. Sounds like it's related to possesiveness, like losing a possession you didn't like, but you simply object to it no longer being yours. You are breaking a bad habit, and this will get easier in time, especially if you see a good local counsellor to work out these illogical feelings

Reply to cybershrink

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