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Question
Posted by: sad | 2010-04-19

Letting go

Thank you. Why do I have the feeling that you almost know who I was talking about. I agree the learning to trust myself will take time in therapy. But that''s what I was trying to do when I was in therapy with him and then the traumatic ending.

The attachment was there but the individuation process never took place naturally. Now I have to let go and move on and that is what I am struggling with. The anger and obsessing about what happened (even though it seems so obvious to everyone else) is preventing me from letting go? How do I let go?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Unfortunate, isn' it, when the effects of a "therapy" are not only significantly failing to be realistically helpful, but themselves lead to a need for further genuine therapy to recover from the amateur therapy you received in the first place ! Again, this is where analytic herapy is so seriously wanting - the assumption that you needed to form a special type of atteachment to him before you could individuate is a self-serving invention of the analysts, not supported by evidence.
Whatever happened, happened. You cannot change that. But you can change how you now choose to feel about what happened, and what conclusions you choose to draw for the future - that's where practical CBT type therapy could help. Avoid plunging back into the care of another analyst, rather than someone using research-based and effective methods, but with enough familiarity with analytical concepts to understand what went wrong last time round

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Tebogo | 2010-04-19

Life happens, it goes on. Time will heal your wounds. I had to let go of sum1, and today i am better person for it. ''disappointment is bad, but whats worse is the damage you do to yourself if you fall apart''

Reply to Tebogo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-19

Unfortunate, isn' it, when the effects of a "therapy" are not only significantly failing to be realistically helpful, but themselves lead to a need for further genuine therapy to recover from the amateur therapy you received in the first place ! Again, this is where analytic herapy is so seriously wanting - the assumption that you needed to form a special type of atteachment to him before you could individuate is a self-serving invention of the analysts, not supported by evidence.
Whatever happened, happened. You cannot change that. But you can change how you now choose to feel about what happened, and what conclusions you choose to draw for the future - that's where practical CBT type therapy could help. Avoid plunging back into the care of another analyst, rather than someone using research-based and effective methods, but with enough familiarity with analytical concepts to understand what went wrong last time round

Reply to cybershrink

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