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Question
Posted by: Sad | 2010/04/17

Letting go

How do you learn to trust your own feelings about a love relationship that has passed? All my friends, family (and psychologist) - everybody tells me that I saw things clearly, that my judgement is clear that I have incredible intuition. All the objective evidence points that way - even my feelings (which are apparently the most reliable resource) tell me that he loved me yet I won''t trust them. I can''t ask him, he has gone. I was emotionally neglected by a narcissistic and critical mother and I grew up the ultimate achiever, needing external affirmation and adapting to other people''s needs.

Why won''t I trust my feelings? Is it that I could never trust my mother''s love? Or is the same moment that I trust, the same moment that I have to let go (and perhaps the left brain chatter is more comfortable than letting go) and perhaps the letting go is the most painful?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hmm. If friends, family and shrink all agreee that you saw things clearly, and have excellent judgement and intuition - why do you doubt this ? Asking Him wouldn't help, anyway, as he probably wouldn't know or be able to explain himself. What you need lies within yourself, not something that needs to come from him. OK, so your mother may have inadvertently trained you to need affirmation from outside, often from the wrong people - but with therapy that can change.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/19

Hmm. If friends, family and shrink all agreee that you saw things clearly, and have excellent judgement and intuition - why do you doubt this ? Asking Him wouldn't help, anyway, as he probably wouldn't know or be able to explain himself. What you need lies within yourself, not something that needs to come from him. OK, so your mother may have inadvertently trained you to need affirmation from outside, often from the wrong people - but with therapy that can change.

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