Our expert says:
Its good that he will be seing a herapist, and ask him to discuss with his therapist the issue that he has previously curbed his temper but only temporarily, so that he needs to work on maintaining the temporary improvements he has managed before. And of course this odd sense of perceiving Hurt from you when you haven't actually done anything to hurt him. This strong expectation that anyone he allows to get close WILL hurt him.
Writing a letter for the therapist could be a good idea. But so it can be accurate and not felt by him as an attack or acusation, why not ask to draft it WITH him ? that way you can ask him to suggest points you could describe, and raise others yourself asking for his input on them ? Similarly, simply say to him that you think it has been very unfair to him that he had to deal with so much after the death of his father and suggest that this be something he mentions early to his therapist, so they can deal with this, too.
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