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Question
Posted by: Emily | 2011/01/10

Let go or not????

Good day, I’ m interested in someone and we know each other for 3 years now, and we had that connection from day one, it never went further that that! We recently began to talk about our feelings after he told me that he is getting a divorce. So 4 days ago, his wife said that she don’ t want a divorce anymore and he can take legal action if he wants a divorce. So we decided to wait so that they can go thru counselling again and personality tests etc. so that she can realize they tried so many times and still they’ re not happy! But the problem is, If they can work it out, they must go for it, I want him to be happy! I’ m not the type who wants so stand in someone’ s way of happiness, I always put others happiness first. I am putting my life on hold for this man to sort out his life, I’ m not sure how long it takes to go thru this process, but must I just let go and live my life, dating other persons or must I wait..........? I am prepared to wait, I like this man and I think he is the one. And he said that he needs me now more than ever and I must please wait for him. This is very difficult for me, I have my strong and weak day’ s and it is getting to me! Any advice!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember my repeated warning - when either or both people considering a serous relationship are in the midst of a divorce or break-up, or planning one, or still recovering from one, be very cautious. A friendship, without "benefits" and without getting too emotionally involved may be the most that would be good for either.
Don't "put your life on hold" - continue with it. YOu're wise to encourage him to explore properly sorting out whatever problems he has with his wife, but don't hold your breath.
Also avoid what I consider an often damaging delusion, that there is one single person on the face of the earth for for the next 5 decades of your life, who is THE ONE, and nobody else could possibly bring you happiness. Fortunately that is not so, even if sometimes it feels that way.
Take your time without excess impatience. Both of you probably need a friend more than a lover at present, anyway

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Michaila | 2011/01/14

Hi there

Dont wait for him, you sould take it that he is already in a relationship...im sure you dont want to be " THE OTHER WOMEN"  its not a nice title to have, go on dates and dont worry about him, dont get involved in such a terrible thing. Remember, he married her for a reason...a man doesnt care about you if he is not your best friend or if he doesnt loves you.

Reply to Michaila
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/11

I agree 100% with Curious. WHY DO YOU LADIES BECOME INVOLVED WITH MARRIED MEN?
They will lie to you, bacause they will not only get your sympathy and your support but also FREE SEX???
A man will never leave his family for a woan that dishes out free sex?
Are you crazy?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Katy | 2011/01/10

Run like hell ... you are going to get hurt and the little bit of excitement is not worth all the pain and heartache in the end! If he wants to be with you, wait until his divorce is finalised and even then it will be nothing more than a rebound relationship .. please do not do this to yourself. Remember that you are a willling participant and if you get hurt, you are as much to blame as he is. I have learned a very painful lesson a while back ... something I never want to go through again! Good luck, run like hell and don''t look back ....

Reply to Katy
Posted by: Curious | 2011/01/10

Not trying to be nasty but why do you ladies get involved with men that are married/ divorced etc.?
Kate not all men are the same. I guess you had an affair with the wrong one dear.

Reply to Curious
Posted by: Kate | 2011/01/10

Hmm I just don''t buy his side of the story.
Believe me no matter how good he is or how much you think you guys are meant to be together, guys are dogs... They will use you until they can use you no more and then the relationship will end and he will make you feel like it was your fault, and then you will even apologise to him lol!
You should NEVER put your life on hold for no man!
If he wants to be with you he would, if he wants to be with his wife, he would.
And where is he now??? Trying to make things work with her... Don''t listen to any of the stories he is feeding you pls.
I''m sure if you spoke to his wife it would be a totally different story and he might be telling her how much he wants it to work too etc... Don''t wait up.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Emily | 2011/01/10

Yip, I''m gonna get hurt! Thanks Maria!

Reply to Emily
Posted by: Maria | 2011/01/10

Also, I assume you only know his side of the story? Do you really understand what has gone wrong in his marriage? Usually there is some degree of guilt on both sides. How will he prevent the same things from going wrong again in a next relationship, with you or anybody else?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2011/01/10

Emily, there is no " The ONE"  for any of us, that''s a myth from fairy tales. This man is using you as an emotional support while he goes through whatever is happening between him and his wife. If they work things out then what about you? If they don''t work things out and they do get divorced, he might continue to use you while he gets over it and then move on. It takes a long time for someone to really get over divorce and heal emotionally, and they cannot have a truly honest and deep relationship again without going through that process first.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/10

Remember my repeated warning - when either or both people considering a serous relationship are in the midst of a divorce or break-up, or planning one, or still recovering from one, be very cautious. A friendship, without "benefits" and without getting too emotionally involved may be the most that would be good for either.
Don't "put your life on hold" - continue with it. YOu're wise to encourage him to explore properly sorting out whatever problems he has with his wife, but don't hold your breath.
Also avoid what I consider an often damaging delusion, that there is one single person on the face of the earth for for the next 5 decades of your life, who is THE ONE, and nobody else could possibly bring you happiness. Fortunately that is not so, even if sometimes it feels that way.
Take your time without excess impatience. Both of you probably need a friend more than a lover at present, anyway

Reply to cybershrink

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