Posted by: BROKEN!!!! | 2009-10-12

LET GO!!!!!!

My BF is a CA and he always works. He is hardly ever available on weekends (I can understand this and respect that he prioritises his work).

He is NEVER available on Public holidays or long weekends.
He is planning holidays on his own, including over Christmas and New Years.
He is afraid of the mother of his children because he is afraid that if she finds out that he has moved on with another female she will withhold contact with his 2 young children (she hardly allows him to see them anyway). Therefore I cannot hang out with my BF as I have to pretend to be just a friend when we go out in public.

Clearly he must get out of my life.

Not being available as a companion to me on even just a few occasions (social functions / public holidays / vacations) is unacceptable and I do actually trust that he isn' t with someone else. he does love to hang out in swinger' s clubs but we haven' t been since I' ve put on 6kgs. Is he going alone? Too many Friday and Saturday nights I' ve been alone and then suddenly on Sundays he' s available again!

I hate being played. I need to let go. How do I let go!!! How do I extricate him from my life and my heart.

How can I let go and forget him? Please help, this behaviour is killing me, I' m sinking into depression and I' ve cut myself and I' m drinking again. I' m weakened right now and so hurt, ddeply hurt. I was very much in love with him.

Please help! How do I let go?????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A guy dedicated to his work is a mixed blessing in a relationship. But when he is also unavailable in his spare time, and planning holidays on his own, one must wonder whether this is really a relationship ( from his point of view ) at all. He should speak to a good lawyer about his fears --- the mother of his children is NOT allowed by law to restrict his access to his children, just to be spiteful --- the court is required to consider what is best for the children, not what a spiteful spouse might want.
But if he feels compelled to hide whatever relaionship he has with you, from everopne else, this is no relationship that could thrive. He needs to see a counsellor and deal with all his emotional baggage before he'll be ready for a real relationship with anyone else. OK, if he's so scared to be with you he's surely scared to be with anyone else, but that's not much of a comfort, is it ? And anyone who "loves to hang out in swinger's clubs is a wholly bad choice for any proper relationship. If you really find it hard to extricate yourself from this non-relationship ( or one that exists mainly in your mind, and not his ) then see a personal counsellor to help you achieve this. And to deal with the depression, drinking and cutting. RFecognize that even if you feel love for him, his behaviour says that he actually does not feel much real love for you or, probably, anyone else, not even himself

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Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-10-12

Wise owl is right. It sounds like he doesnt want to be with you anymore. Stop calling him. And get someone else as it seems that you guys havnt had a real relationship for a while. Once you end it in your mind you will feel in controll and you will gain back some self esteem.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-10-12

I hate to be brutal, but your B/F does not want to be with you. Its fairly obvious. All of his excuses are really lame and if you just take a moment to reflect you will see what I mean. It also sounds as if you too were a regular visitor to a swingers club " but we have' nt been since I put on 6 kgs"  ?? That is surely something that can only be a disaster for any, dare I say, " normal"  relationship. I always wonder how one feels later on in lifge when you have a family and harbour the guilt of doing something like that. I am no expert, but I was under the impression that to attend a swingers club, you had to bring someone for someone else to swing with ? If not, and singles were permitted, someone could bed without a partner at the end of the evening, so I guess he is taking someoine in yoiur place. Nice guy ! It does not sound like a healthy relationship and I would break it off.

Reply to Wise Owl

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