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Question
Posted by: Proximity | 2011/06/13

Leeching youth

Dear Prof Simpson,

My question relates to a younger family member.

This individual has not worked in the last 2 years and is nearing 30 years of age. During the last two years of not being employed, she has been living off parents’  dime in terms of accommodation and living expenses.

Parents are not keen to cease the financial assistance in fears that she may end up on the streets, as she has no ambition progress in life or become independent.

I have to add that she has been a problem child for as long as I know but I feel that at her age it’ s time for a change. But how?

Her father recently retired and she’ s basically living on his pension, as well as contributions from the mother.

I would like to give the parents some advice about how to approach this as this is definitely not healthy. Any suggestions?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

By meekly continuing to sponsor a lazy young person not prepared to work to support herself, your parents are only encouraging her to live a useless life and to assume that others have some duty to support her. Its long past the time at which she should have been pushed to change. DO some web searching on the theme of Tough Love. They should give her a deadline of maybe a month, to get a job, move out and support herself, after which she will receive no further funding, and if she isn;t moved out of her own accord, they could call the police and ask for her to be removed. What on earth will she do when her parents die ?

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Lilly | 2011/06/14

Why are you worrying yourself with something that doesn''t concern you? Are you helping this woman financially? Does she ask you for money, food, clothes or anything else? If not, stay out of their lives and worry about your own boring business!!!

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/13

With all due respect, unless yo are in the position to offer this 30 year old a job, you should not interfere unless asked for your interference.

Parents can get defensive about their children, regardless of their age.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Realist | 2011/06/13

Yes, " Tough Love"  is the answer. Obviously she has been indulged all her life and now her parents are reaping what they sowed. Its sad, but until the parents say " enough"  it will continue and lazybones will continue to feel entitled. Set a time frame with goals, be it employment where she can get it and at whatever remuneration is involved. If she does not shape up she will have ship out. No alternative

Reply to Realist
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/13

By meekly continuing to sponsor a lazy young person not prepared to work to support herself, your parents are only encouraging her to live a useless life and to assume that others have some duty to support her. Its long past the time at which she should have been pushed to change. DO some web searching on the theme of Tough Love. They should give her a deadline of maybe a month, to get a job, move out and support herself, after which she will receive no further funding, and if she isn;t moved out of her own accord, they could call the police and ask for her to be removed. What on earth will she do when her parents die ?

Reply to cybershrink

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