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Question
Posted by: R | 2012-11-21

Leaving the nest

Hi Doc, hope you are well.
I have decided to send my 5 yr old to Durban to spend his holidays there once school closes, as he will get bored at home while I work. It was a tough decision but I thought it would be good for him, and I know my sister will take good care of him. She has 3 kids, so he will be busy and enjoying himself.
Although he did sleep over at my sister''s when we visited my parents, I did not worry too much as I was not far away and could always be there in a matter of minutes if he needed me. He never did on those few occcasions. Lol.
I am now starting to have nightmares about it, something happening to him and whatnot. I am very anxious as I will not be close enough and will only keep in contact by phone. I will be driving down around mid-Dec when I finish work, so it will be for 2 weeks that I won''t see him.
Is he too young for me to be sending him so far?
He is very comfortable with my sister and is very much at home with them. His dad is working there now and he will see him on the weekends at least. We are still together, just have a long-distnace marriage at this stage.
I am thinking of all sorts of things, altho each time I try to convince myself it will be good for him rather than being home and bored.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Specifics matter in such issues, but 5 isn't unduly young for a child to spend a couple of weeks with a loving family and aunt, with his mother due to join them later. Maybe its really you that is likely to feel most distressed by this brief separation ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-11-21

lol thanks R, I was butchered for that one!
Yip i guess its normal, I mean what mom wouldn''t worry.
''in moments when he will need me'' stop thinking about those moments because he will be completely fine, without you.
Let the kid go and enjoy himself and you try to put all those thoughts out of your mind, think only positive thoughts.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: R | 2012-11-21

Hey Kelly, thanks, I geuss I am really looking for re-assurance.
You''re the one that advocates tough love, lol, and yes, I mostly agree with you.
I am not showing him I am worried or any negative feelings about him going. While I also know this is going to give him that sense of independence and maturity, I am literally having nightmares.
And yes, it is my own mind that needs to be dealt with, he will actually be fine. I geuss my insecurities are coming from the fact that I am solely responsible for his safety and happiness right now, pretty much being a single parent, and somehow feel he is out of my control with me not being there especially in moments when he will need just me.

Reply to R
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-11-21

I think he would enjoy himself.
As you said you trust that your sister will take good care of him, he''s comfortably with the family and he''s dads there too. I think it would be good for him too, being away from mommy and knowing he can still be safe.
The only problem is you, obviously you will worry as you so far off but you''ve got to learn to deal with it and also do not allow him to see that you are anxious about it or you might just make him think that there''s something to worry about.

Reply to Kelly

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