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Question
Posted by: Sue | 2011/09/27

Leaving daughter

Hi, Please help. 4 months ago I started a new job in Mpumalanga. I had to move from JHB, leaving my 27 months old daughter with my mother, her father works long hours.
I only see her on weekends and I feel sooo guilty that I leave her for such a long time. I call her every morning and evening, so I can just hear her voice.
It is difficult for me but I think it''s even worse for her. When I am there, she clings to me, even holds my legs when I stand up from a chair to go to the next room. I play with her a lot and if she looks the other way then back and finds that I am not were she left me she cries and cries.
My mother says she thinks she is going to be an anxious child, because no matter how much we talk to her and try to explain to her that I will be back soon, she still panics.
My mother spoils her a lot because of this as well, and her father tries to see her everyday at my mothers.
How can I make this transition better for all of us. I cannot afford day care at the moment to take her with me and I am working hard for this company to take me permanently.

Please advice, I can''t even think straight on what to do?!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are obviously a very loving mother. CHildren take a while to re-adjust to changes in the rhythm and cast of their lives. They do tend to get anxious when separated from their main caregiver, but usually adjust well when there is another consistent caregiver.
Its worth continuing to explain things to her - she's a bit young to really understand, yet its still worth trying, but don't get discouraged if she doesn't always sem to remember.
DOn't get too anxious, as she will notice and react to your anxiety - seeing you as she does, and her father often, and remaining with your mother, she is getting far more continuity of love than she would at a day-care / creche, where there would be different people involved, and their attention would have to be shared among different children.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/27

You are obviously a very loving mother. CHildren take a while to re-adjust to changes in the rhythm and cast of their lives. They do tend to get anxious when separated from their main caregiver, but usually adjust well when there is another consistent caregiver.
Its worth continuing to explain things to her - she's a bit young to really understand, yet its still worth trying, but don't get discouraged if she doesn't always sem to remember.
DOn't get too anxious, as she will notice and react to your anxiety - seeing you as she does, and her father often, and remaining with your mother, she is getting far more continuity of love than she would at a day-care / creche, where there would be different people involved, and their attention would have to be shared among different children.

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