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Question
Posted by: Nikki | 2009/07/27

Leave him because of his family

Hi CS and others,

Is it okay to break off a relationship because of your partner' s family set up. There is just so much difference between my up bringing and my family set up compared to his and on top of that everyone, even his well able to work sister that does not have a job depends on him. I was raised up to believe that one needs to work hard for themselves and support each other in times of need not just because we could get lazy and not earn our ways!

His family on the other hand, they just assume, he will always be there to support them. I don' t mind his aged parents.. there are his parents and if he doesn' t take care of them no one will. But his sister, his grown up nieces and nephews they all think they can lazy around and expect all from him. I am not sure I can handle it. It feels as though, I might have to end up supporting them too.... And I am scared and worried.

Am I being Silly?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Usually it's not to mch the other family set-up that mattwers, but how it impinges on you and your relationship, and whether your partner is sincerely prepared to mediate and support your relationship with him. Generally, it is good if someone acepts their responsibilities towards their family, but it is likely to be a problem if this includes supporting a lazy sister who is able mto work but doesn't care to do so. Similarly, nieces and nephews, by definition have their own families and should not need their uncle to support them. If he accepts all these claims uncriticaly, he will not have the resources, financial or emotional, to support his relatomnship with you, let aone any children you might have together.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Karlie | 2009/07/27

I know what you mean- to this day my husband has to fetch his mom from work. It puts a lot of strain on our relationship and no matter how often I to try to speak to him, it doesn' t make a difference. I try not to let it bug me because I' m in a relationship with him, not his family but truth be told it does. Good luck.

Reply to Karlie
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/07/27

Hi Nikki please take heed of the alarm bells going off in your head. I should have listened. In the same position as you. My husbans sister is married and has 2 kids of her own lives a posh and glamorous life is always pleading poverty to him. She is lazy and careless and uses her so called depression to manipulate him and rest of their family. They dont seem to see that they' re being used by this selfish person. I am so sad to say that I come off second best to his family and I heard the warning bells and chose to ignore it because he loves me and thought things will get better. It doesn' t! I' ve just got to live with it cant say i never saw it coming so I have no one to blame but myself.
And about th different ways you were brought up you' re so right I was brought up to work and become self sufficient and not rely on anybody to be able to stand on your own feet. Hisfamily just wont stop there is always a crises and they always need him and he never says no .

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/07/27

Hi Nikki please take heed of the alarm bells going off in your head. I should have listened. In the same position as you. My husbans sister is married and has 2 kids of her own lives a posh and glamorous life is always pleading poverty to him. She is lazy and careless and uses her so called depression to manipulate him and rest of their family. They dont seem to see that they' re being used by this selfish person. I am so sad to say that I come off second best to his family and I heard the warning bells and chose to ignore it because he loves me and thought things will get better. It doesn' t! I' ve just got to live with it cant say i never saw it coming so I have no one to blame but myself.
And about th different ways you were brought up you' re so right I was brought up to work and become self sufficient and not rely on anybody to be able to stand on your own feet. Hisfamily just wont stop there is always a crises and they always need him and he never says no .

Reply to Kristen

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