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Question
Posted by: LDR | 2011/03/06

LDR &  male virgin

Hi

I''ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy for about 6 months now. I''m 33 and he''s 36. I have been in 3 serious relationships and he in 2 before. We have immediately connected on intellectual and emotional levels. I suspect that he is still a virgin. We sleep in separate rooms when visiting each other, but the " sex until marriage"  (like he said - due to religion) part is fine with me. What gets to me is that we see each other 1 or 2 weekends of a month. Until the beginning of the year at least he kisses and held/touched me during ''visitors hours'', but lately it seems that he''s scared to do so. I get a " hello"  and " goodbye"  kiss - the rest of the time we enjoy each others company by doing everything except the " physical loving"  together - cooking, shopping, talking etc. We don''t really have arguments.

I don''t believe that I''m unattractive. What I don''t understand is that he can''t keep his eyes off young blond mini-skirt girls. I understand that men in general find this sexy etc etc and it''s fine with me, but this guy literally stops and stares. It makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel inadequate/not good enough.

This is a strange relationship for me, but I''m 100% committed and I''ll like to work at it.

What do I do? How can I change to understand him better?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure this is nothing to do with your attractiveness. He sounds a bit like those dogs who chase cars ? They enjoy looking at cars, and chasing cars, but when they find a parked car, they don't know what to do with it.
The girls he looks at, he can enjoy theoretically, whereas you are a real woman, expecting more, and he may feel much less confident about being adequate to that. Ideally, some Couples Counselling sessions would be a good idea, if the two of you can be in the same place for long enough - to help you get to know each other better and make a better decision about whether the relationship should go further.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/07

This in not natural.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Martie | 2011/03/06

Perhaps you should see it that if he is able to ''control '' himself with you and proved faithful to his word of not having sex before marriage, you may trust him to control himself when facing sexual temtpation from other woman when you are married. As he grows to love you more, it may just be harder for him to restrain himself with you, so he keeps the distance?

Reply to Martie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/06

I'm sure this is nothing to do with your attractiveness. He sounds a bit like those dogs who chase cars ? They enjoy looking at cars, and chasing cars, but when they find a parked car, they don't know what to do with it.
The girls he looks at, he can enjoy theoretically, whereas you are a real woman, expecting more, and he may feel much less confident about being adequate to that. Ideally, some Couples Counselling sessions would be a good idea, if the two of you can be in the same place for long enough - to help you get to know each other better and make a better decision about whether the relationship should go further.

Reply to cybershrink

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